After the second mock cycle, today was ERA biopsy #2. Took my valium, took my vicodin, popped my ibuprofen, and…my fucking cervix would not open. Now any of you who’ve had your cervix manually dilated know that this is a hell unlike no other. Well, I’ve had this done seven times in my life, so was ready for that. But when the doc says, even with the dilation my cervix will not open enough to let in the smallest catheter, was I prepared for that?
Fuck no. I was crying on the exam table.
Because this is all about timing, there is no rescheduling the biopsy. So we were given two choices:
- Let him use a long sword-like implement (imagine those long metal skewers one might use for shish kabobs) to basically ram its way through my nearly-closed cervix into my uterus – which even HE said would cause my uterus to “react significantly” (i.e., fucking hurt more than any thing I’ve ever felt before), and probably cause my already fucked up lower back to spasm because of the incredible tension and pain I was already in after repeat “repositioning” of the speculum and jabs with the plastic “knife” as I sweetly call it, OR
- Go ahead and do the transfer in April based on P+6 which was the estimate of Igenomix for when a transfer would be good. Yes, there’s a slight possibility of it still not being the right timing, but I did get pregnant once on P+5, so I can’t imagine that P+7 would really be the verdict from a second biopsy.
So, with that, we’re choosing option #2. I’ve got an email out to the lovely genetics gal at Igenomix to see if she has any suggestions on timing of the actual transfer that day, but otherwise, fuck it, I’m done with fake cycles.
Fortunately I didn’t have to cough up the $1,000 for the biopsy and go through reimbursement hell with my insurance company, but still got to pay $140 out of pocket just for the pleasure of the visit. You know you’ve been infertile a long time when that kind of expenditure seems like chump change.
So there ya go, a fucking nightmare hour today after a fake hormone cycle and a few hundred bucks spent for nothing on PIO & Delestrogen.
Oh and ya gotta love when we told the doc’s assistant that this will be our last transfer. She didn’t understand why we’d give up if we still had more embryos left, but here’s the deal, she’s never been through it. We’ve already goen through 7 embryos, and this time will be the 8th & 9th. I want my life back, I want my marriage to not be with me on one vicious hormone cycle after another (2 IUIs, 6 IVFs, and 2 mock cycles in 2 years, boys and girls, it’s a shit load. She then asks, “So are you going to do surrogacy if this doesn’t work?” and I’m like, girl I don’t have $100K+ for that (she had no idea that’s how much it cost or that people do crowdfunding campaigns just to raise $ for this) and besides that, I’m already on donor egg IVF. A surrogate with a donor egg – for me – just seems silly – with DEIVF I could at least be pregnant (and benefit from epigenetics), but putting a second mortgage on the house for a possibility it might work in another womb, with my husband’s sperm the only connection? For me, I’d rather spend another $30K on domestic adoption.
Hopefully the final round will work, but that’s where I stand on that.
But hey, we cool. Because you know what? The end of IVF is coming. I’m hopping back onto the pill tomorrow and in a month-ish we’ll be kicking off the last cycle ever of Delestrogen, PIO, and TWW’s. It’s a shit, but it’s a relief as well – knowing that if this doesn’t work, at least I’ll have ME back.
Next week we are going to complete domestic adoption training (they don’t transfer over from agency to agency, so even though we did 10 hours with the international agency). Why do it before we’ve had our transfer? Easy – if it doesn’t work we’ll be a few steps into it, and can be on the waitlist by summer, and with an average wait time of 13 months (just depends on how soon you get picked – can be as little as 3 months!), we could be parents by 2018.
Who the fuck knows. Today it’s a crazy 58 degrees and the bees are celebrating outside the hive. That’s where I’m headed y’all. Enough of the cervix for a while.