Things that piss me off – the infertility version


With my hormonal rollercoaster, I’m going to go ahead and take advantage of it and call out some of the recent bullshit I’ve come across online from people who seriously have no fucking clue.

  • One Canadian nursing blog has the balls to blame women’s infertility on weight, and outright tells women that the more fit you get, the more fertile you’ll be. Bitch, tell that to my triathlon competing blogger buddy who’s been through multiple IVF rounds and is still without a child. Bitch, tell that to women who have cyst-filled uteruses. Bitch, tell that to me and any other women whose ovaries have closed up shop already. Not only has it been proven that obesity is a factor in LESS THAN 10% of infertility cases, it has also been proven to have ZERO relation to miscarriage. Bitch, get educated.
  • The aforementioned blog and many others, including some fertility clinics, are also still using the incredibly outdated BMI formula for determining physical fitness and then falsely associating that with fertility. In Top 10 Reasons Why The BMI Is Bogus, NPR reports that “the BMI was introduced in the early 19th century by…a mathematician, not a physician. He produced the formula to give a quick and easy way to measure the degree of obesity of the general population to assist the government in allocating resources. In other words, it is a 200-year-old hack,” and goes on to give a great example of how it is so commonly an inaccurate measure: “Bone is denser than muscle and twice as dense as fat, so a person with strong bones, good muscle tone and low fat will have a high BMI. Thus, athletes and fit, health-conscious movie stars who work out a lot tend to find themselves classified as overweight or even obese.”
  • All of us in the infertility club know about the “just adopt” mantra that so many jackasses have said to us during our struggles, as if we could just snap our fingers and a baby would be there, not to mention as if it would cure us of our infertility and heal the wounds of our miscarriages. I saw a great post (sorry, no link to this one) that said “adoption cures childlessness, not infertility” which was so spot on. As many of you know, we have always wanted to have a baby both ways – through pregnancy and through adoption – and have found both roads incredibly difficult. Hell, when we first started treatments back in the IUI days we were also signed up at DHS and an international adoption agency, hoping that one out of three would work – and actually seriously WORRIED that we’d be pregnant and the adoption would come through at the same time. Two years later, notsomuch.
  • To the cunt (yes, I reserve that word for certain extreme assholes) who bitched on Nextdoor that teenagers weren’t coming up to her front door to help her shovel her walks because she has a 2 year old and her husband is out of town, and when I called her out reminding her that there were tons of people posting free or low-fee snow shoveling services already, and that we all need to work together rather than expecting kids to come up to her front porch and offer, and her response was “You obviously don’t have children”?  FUCK YOU. And yes, my fellow infertiles, I did respond, in this public forum, that as someone who can’t have children and lost a baby this summer, I’m sick and tired of people making comments that people who don’t have kids can’t possibly understand or can’t possibly be all that busy. Fuck that bitch. Fuck her fuck her fuck her.



27 thoughts on “Things that piss me off – the infertility version

  1. I just love you! When I read this, in my mind was running, “I said biiiiiitch…” ( if you haven’t seen it already)

    Just amen sister all over this post. It makes sense to be irritated and angry!

    I get so sick of people making assumptions like I know nothing about kids since I haven’t had my own. Fine if they want to think that, but they shouldn’t dare say it.

    And I’m so sick of people talking to me like adoption is this piece of cake thing that will just happen for free and easy and solve all my problems. Like, why would I want a child created with genes from me and my husband the free and easy way with his eyes and my hair? Maybe even oops without trying. Arg. To them it seems like an easier answer than actually acknowledging and being with the grief that I feel. I try to remind myself that they don’t know any better, but…. I said biiiiiitch….

    PLUS, infertility is hard enough without all the crazy hormones! It’s a wonder more crimes and murders aren’t carried out by women in our position. Lately my HRT has been out of whack and I swear I just might whack the next person who says so casually – “Why don’t you just adopt?”

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I solemnly swear I will NEVER say “ don’t have children” to anyone, ever.

    There are so many morons out there and the internet gives them a voice :-/ BMI is a piece of crap, my friend is “obese” according to BMI and yet he is a competition winning body builder with low body fat. And ‘just adopt’, cause you can just walk down to the local hospital and pick one up…oh wait, no you can’t :-/ morons.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. yes yes yes to all of this!! I’m sick of the “just adopt” comments like it’s an easy solution to our problems that never occurred to us. And wow to the comment from that women about you obviously not having kids. Super hurtful to hear things like that. It’s like those memes people post that a person without kids can’t complain they are tired, or that you just don’t know love until you have children. Urgh.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Holy crap to that snow shoveling woman! Geez!!!! People need to shut up. Also, for the record, my BMI has consistently been as low as can be while still being healthy, basically my whole life, and BELIEVE ME it didnt help at all for a year and a half. (And I am also not any more ‘fit’ than others. It’s bones/genetics).


  5. Yes! Yes! Yes! Please say it again for the cheap seats! BMI is bullshit! By BMI’s calculations I am obese. That’s funny, I don’t look obese. Also, heavy people get PG all the time. My sister has always been bigger than me and she got PG quite easily. Also, part of the bs that comes with PCOS is a difficulty to lose weight which is why I’ve been trying for over a year and nothing has happened. Yay to fucking infertility and all the other bullshit too. Fucking hell as if we didn’t have enough to worry about without people screaming down our throats how fat we are. Ugh!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Love this! Totally agree and get oh so angry with this all. I kind of hate when people start a sentence with ‘As a mother….’ too, maybe that’s me. As a childless woman apparently I do not feel as effected by the horrors of this world, ‘as a mother I find this heartbreaking’.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I love this post so much! The way people assume that you don’t know anything about kids cos yoh don’t have them annoys me so so much. I have 5 nieces and nephews and I work at Forrest school with special needs kids. I know kids. I just don’t have any

    Liked by 1 person

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