With my hormonal rollercoaster, I’m going to go ahead and take advantage of it and call out some of the recent bullshit I’ve come across online from people who seriously have no fucking clue.
- One Canadian nursing blog has the balls to blame women’s infertility on weight, and outright tells women that the more fit you get, the more fertile you’ll be. Bitch, tell that to my triathlon competing blogger buddy who’s been through multiple IVF rounds and is still without a child. Bitch, tell that to women who have cyst-filled uteruses. Bitch, tell that to me and any other women whose ovaries have closed up shop already. Not only has it been proven that obesity is a factor in LESS THAN 10% of infertility cases, it has also been proven to have ZERO relation to miscarriage. Bitch, get educated.
- The aforementioned blog and many others, including some fertility clinics, are also still using the incredibly outdated BMI formula for determining physical fitness and then falsely associating that with fertility. In Top 10 Reasons Why The BMI Is Bogus, NPR reports that “the BMI was introduced in the early 19th century by…a mathematician, not a physician. He produced the formula to give a quick and easy way to measure the degree of obesity of the general population to assist the government in allocating resources. In other words, it is a 200-year-old hack,” and goes on to give a great example of how it is so commonly an inaccurate measure: “Bone is denser than muscle and twice as dense as fat, so a person with strong bones, good muscle tone and low fat will have a high BMI. Thus, athletes and fit, health-conscious movie stars who work out a lot tend to find themselves classified as overweight or even obese.”
- All of us in the infertility club know about the “just adopt” mantra that so many jackasses have said to us during our struggles, as if we could just snap our fingers and a baby would be there, not to mention as if it would cure us of our infertility and heal the wounds of our miscarriages. I saw a great post (sorry, no link to this one) that said “adoption cures childlessness, not infertility” which was so spot on. As many of you know, we have always wanted to have a baby both ways – through pregnancy and through adoption – and have found both roads incredibly difficult. Hell, when we first started treatments back in the IUI days we were also signed up at DHS and an international adoption agency, hoping that one out of three would work – and actually seriously WORRIED that we’d be pregnant and the adoption would come through at the same time. Two years later, notsomuch.
- To the cunt (yes, I reserve that word for certain extreme assholes) who bitched on Nextdoor that teenagers weren’t coming up to her front door to help her shovel her walks because she has a 2 year old and her husband is out of town, and when I called her out reminding her that there were tons of people posting free or low-fee snow shoveling services already, and that we all need to work together rather than expecting kids to come up to her front porch and offer, and her response was “You obviously don’t have children”? FUCK YOU. And yes, my fellow infertiles, I did respond, in this public forum, that as someone who can’t have children and lost a baby this summer, I’m sick and tired of people making comments that people who don’t have kids can’t possibly understand or can’t possibly be all that busy. Fuck that bitch. Fuck her fuck her fuck her.