Things that piss me off – the infertility version

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With my hormonal rollercoaster, I’m going to go ahead and take advantage of it and call out some of the recent bullshit I’ve come across online from people who seriously have no fucking clue.

  • One Canadian nursing blog has the balls to blame women’s infertility on weight, and outright tells women that the more fit you get, the more fertile you’ll be. Bitch, tell that to my triathlon competing blogger buddy who’s been through multiple IVF rounds and is still without a child. Bitch, tell that to women who have cyst-filled uteruses. Bitch, tell that to me and any other women whose ovaries have closed up shop already. Not only has it been proven that obesity is a factor in LESS THAN 10% of infertility cases, it has also been proven to have ZERO relation to miscarriage. Bitch, get educated.
  • The aforementioned blog and many others, including some fertility clinics, are also still using the incredibly outdated BMI formula for determining physical fitness and then falsely associating that with fertility. In Top 10 Reasons Why The BMI Is Bogus, NPR reports that “the BMI was introduced in the early 19th century by…a mathematician, not a physician. He produced the formula to give a quick and easy way to measure the degree of obesity of the general population to assist the government in allocating resources. In other words, it is a 200-year-old hack,” and goes on to give a great example of how it is so commonly an inaccurate measure: “Bone is denser than muscle and twice as dense as fat, so a person with strong bones, good muscle tone and low fat will have a high BMI. Thus, athletes and fit, health-conscious movie stars who work out a lot tend to find themselves classified as overweight or even obese.”
  • All of us in the infertility club know about the “just adopt” mantra that so many jackasses have said to us during our struggles, as if we could just snap our fingers and a baby would be there, not to mention as if it would cure us of our infertility and heal the wounds of our miscarriages. I saw a great post (sorry, no link to this one) that said “adoption cures childlessness, not infertility” which was so spot on. As many of you know, we have always wanted to have a baby both ways – through pregnancy and through adoption – and have found both roads incredibly difficult. Hell, when we first started treatments back in the IUI days we were also signed up at DHS and an international adoption agency, hoping that one out of three would work – and actually seriously WORRIED that we’d be pregnant and the adoption would come through at the same time. Two years later, notsomuch.
  • To the cunt (yes, I reserve that word for certain extreme assholes) who bitched on Nextdoor that teenagers weren’t coming up to her front door to help her shovel her walks because she has a 2 year old and her husband is out of town, and when I called her out reminding her that there were tons of people posting free or low-fee snow shoveling services already, and that we all need to work together rather than expecting kids to come up to her front porch and offer, and her response was “You obviously don’t have children”?  FUCK YOU. And yes, my fellow infertiles, I did respond, in this public forum, that as someone who can’t have children and lost a baby this summer, I’m sick and tired of people making comments that people who don’t have kids can’t possibly understand or can’t possibly be all that busy. Fuck that bitch. Fuck her fuck her fuck her.

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  One thought on “Things that piss me off – the infertility version

  1. January 11, 2017 at 8:40 pm

    I just love you! When I read this, in my mind was running, “I said biiiiiitch…” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5LGEiIL1__s if you haven’t seen it already)

    Just amen sister all over this post. It makes sense to be irritated and angry!

    I get so sick of people making assumptions like I know nothing about kids since I haven’t had my own. Fine if they want to think that, but they shouldn’t dare say it.

    And I’m so sick of people talking to me like adoption is this piece of cake thing that will just happen for free and easy and solve all my problems. Like, why would I want a child created with genes from me and my husband the free and easy way with his eyes and my hair? Maybe even oops without trying. Arg. To them it seems like an easier answer than actually acknowledging and being with the grief that I feel. I try to remind myself that they don’t know any better, but…. I said biiiiiitch….

    PLUS, infertility is hard enough without all the crazy hormones! It’s a wonder more crimes and murders aren’t carried out by women in our position. Lately my HRT has been out of whack and I swear I just might whack the next person who says so casually – “Why don’t you just adopt?”

    Liked by 3 people

  2. January 11, 2017 at 8:42 pm

    Oh and blame it on our FAT? We should get that lady’s nursing license taken away!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. January 12, 2017 at 12:46 am

    I solemnly swear I will NEVER say “..you don’t have children” to anyone, ever.

    There are so many morons out there and the internet gives them a voice :-/ BMI is a piece of crap, my friend is “obese” according to BMI and yet he is a competition winning body builder with low body fat. And ‘just adopt’, cause you can just walk down to the local hospital and pick one up…oh wait, no you can’t :-/ morons.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. January 12, 2017 at 3:19 am

    yes yes yes to all of this!! I’m sick of the “just adopt” comments like it’s an easy solution to our problems that never occurred to us. And wow to the comment from that women about you obviously not having kids. Super hurtful to hear things like that. It’s like those memes people post that a person without kids can’t complain they are tired, or that you just don’t know love until you have children. Urgh.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. January 12, 2017 at 8:53 am

    This is so 100% spot on!!! The “just adopt” gets me every time….or the “I’ll be your surrogate if you want.” people just don’t think before speaking. 😡😫

    Liked by 1 person

    • January 12, 2017 at 9:28 am

      Although, ironically, I would love it if someone I trusted volunteered to be a surrogate, that’s so friggin’ expensive!

      Liked by 1 person

      • January 12, 2017 at 9:32 am

        Definitely! I feel very grateful that someone would volunteer this but for some reason I took it as “just give up and let me do it for you.” I blame my crazy hormones!!

        Liked by 2 people

        • January 12, 2017 at 12:52 pm

          Totally…My RE suggested it and I laughed as it’s about $100k and everyone I know is my age (early 40s)…Plus doing donor eggs already, I might as well just focus on adoption!

          Liked by 1 person

        • January 12, 2017 at 1:05 pm

          Wow I didn’t know it was that much!!!

          Liked by 1 person

        • January 12, 2017 at 1:58 pm

          Yeah that’s why people who don’t have known surrogates have to do crowdfunding campaigns oftentimes just to do it – crazy huh!

          Liked by 2 people

  6. January 12, 2017 at 9:19 am

    Holy crap to that snow shoveling woman! Geez!!!! People need to shut up. Also, for the record, my BMI has consistently been as low as can be while still being healthy, basically my whole life, and BELIEVE ME it didnt help at all for a year and a half. (And I am also not any more ‘fit’ than others. It’s bones/genetics).

    Like

    • January 12, 2017 at 9:28 am

      Exactly. Even in college when I was a size 6, I was 140 lbs at my height and considered “overweight” – talk about body shaming!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. January 12, 2017 at 12:38 pm

    Yes! Yes! Yes! Please say it again for the cheap seats! BMI is bullshit! By BMI’s calculations I am obese. That’s funny, I don’t look obese. Also, heavy people get PG all the time. My sister has always been bigger than me and she got PG quite easily. Also, part of the bs that comes with PCOS is a difficulty to lose weight which is why I’ve been trying for over a year and nothing has happened. Yay to fucking infertility and all the other bullshit too. Fucking hell as if we didn’t have enough to worry about without people screaming down our throats how fat we are. Ugh!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. myrainbowdream
    January 13, 2017 at 4:59 am

    Love this! Totally agree and get oh so angry with this all. I kind of hate when people start a sentence with ‘As a mother….’ too, maybe that’s me. As a childless woman apparently I do not feel as effected by the horrors of this world, ‘as a mother I find this heartbreaking’.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. D.
    January 13, 2017 at 11:38 am

    Totally agree with the ‘just adopt’ part (and actually pretty much all of the post!). This was my experience with the ‘just adopt’ issue: https://dealingwithoneself.wordpress.com/2016/03/12/please-dont-tell-me-you-can-always-adopt/

    your posts are spot on!

    Liked by 3 people

    • January 13, 2017 at 5:45 pm

      That is an excellent post! Couldn’t agree more as I’ve noticed it’s usually people who haven’t adopted themselves, as if adopting is only for the infertile.

      Liked by 2 people

  10. pluslifestylecom
    January 15, 2017 at 2:08 pm

    i love this and you!!

    Liked by 2 people

  11. January 15, 2017 at 6:04 pm

    Hell yes!

    Liked by 1 person

    • January 15, 2017 at 6:05 pm

      And I honestly think that cunt should be quite an acceptable word. I’m a fan.

      Liked by 1 person

      • January 15, 2017 at 6:38 pm

        Haha yeah being married to an Australian brought that word out in me I never thought I’d say 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  12. January 16, 2017 at 5:43 am

    Yes she definitely deserves the see you next Tuesday word. She obviously is not a nice person and that is why no one offered to shovel her path! 😡

    Liked by 1 person

  13. January 16, 2017 at 8:18 am

    Amen Sister!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. January 16, 2017 at 9:09 pm

    I was told the same thing by many so called ‘”well-meaning” people – seriously thank you for writing this!

    Liked by 2 people

  15. January 27, 2017 at 1:40 pm

    “Be a vegan you will conceive right away” yes, my inability to release eggs and my lack of fallopian tubes is all down to me eating animal products. No, it’s down to my chronic illness; undeucated idiots!

    Liked by 2 people

  16. survivingmiscarriagetogether
    February 21, 2017 at 8:34 am

    I love this post so much! The way people assume that you don’t know anything about kids cos yoh don’t have them annoys me so so much. I have 5 nieces and nephews and I work at Forrest school with special needs kids. I know kids. I just don’t have any

    Liked by 1 person

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