5dp5dt

menopause

It’s 56 Degrees…and I’m in a Tank Top

Nothing like the progesterone-induced hot flashes. Silly me, thinking I might get away this cycle without them! Opening the window at our breakfast table to let the breeze in as I was just emanating heat (and not in a sexy way), I realized that it wasn’t the humidity.

Everywhere I walk I think, are you two in there? I can feel the presence constantly in my belly, like we’re watching Final Jeopardy and these two embryos (NOT ’embabies’, yuck that term gives me the heebie jeebies!) are making their wagers…and we’re just sitting here in the audience with our thumbs up our butts, waiting for Trebek to tell us if we’ve got a winner. (not “embabies”, not “totsicles”, not “pupo”…yech! y’all know how I feel about overly cutesy terms). Or, in another game show reference, this time by new mum Baby Science Project, in reference to IVF, “You put your mental health and happiness on the line every time you have another spin on the wheel of fortune.”

My emotions of course are similar to the hot flashes. I saw Annie Leibowitz and Gloria Steinem in the New York Times and I immediately teared up as if they were standing at my front door. I’m sitting here with Pandora in the background (gotta love the free stuff that comes with having a SmartTV!) and Jack Johnson’s Banana Pancakes comes on, and I get that sappy smile and want to cry again. Excellent, Aimee, just excellent.

every-day-is-a-new-beginning-stay-away-from-what-might-have-been-and-look-at-what-can-be

Living Positive

All I can do is assume this is going to work. Nothing else helps.

I’m drinking Pregnancy Tea (psst..it doesn’t taste like shit) as proof positive that I want this to work. I’m avoiding cold foods and I’ve got warm socks on. I’m thinking about how a positive test would mean that our due date would be June 23rd, just after the Summer Solstice and before the mega heat of summer.

I’m also living my life. Working hard on my business, enjoying the fruits of our labor and seeing client work picking up to finally look like I’ll match last year’s success, which has been a relief after a pretty slow summer (which, ironically, is when I needed the break). Putting way more money into retirement last year, as it was almost nonexistent in 2015 when we spent a combined total of over $35K on fertility treatments and adoption fees. I’m trying not to think about the fact that no matter how much money you pour into something and no matter how many sacrifices, sometimes the road to kiddos does not match up with what you’d always assumed.

Looking at it from a big picture perspective, I must say I’m happy in my life overall. Happy to have a wonderful partner in my sweet husband, a home that I love and have worked on prettying up for over 10 years, a dog that cracks me up every day, a job that makes me feel like I’m helping others, and live in a state that is progressive and – while not perfect – so beautiful that there’s nowhere else I can ever imagine hanging my hat.

progesterone

No. More. Intramuscular. Injections!!!!

I gotta say today was really a weird and awesome new point in this cycle. For the first time, I am not having any injections, having transitioned to Estradiol pills 3X a day and, as of this morning. Progesterone supps 4X a day. The Estradiol hasn’t caused any weird side effects this time around which is nice, and while the Progesterone is a wee bit messy, I have so many of what seem to be perma-lumps on my arse from 5 rounds of DEIVF that we were already finding it hard to do the shots pain-free like we had in past cycles. The lumps seem to have all joined together into one ginormous knot, y’all, it’s not cute. So yes, fuck yes, I will do the pessaries. While my doc said that PIO shots were the “gold standard” and wanted me to do them up through transfer day, he had no problem with me transitioning to the supps post-transfer, and from every study I’ve read, the supps are equally effective to the shots (it’s the oral pills and patches that are sometimes less effective it appears).

Anyhoo. This morning my husband was up at 6 – and I was not. I barely remember him leaving the house for work I was in such a happy sleep trance from not having to get up. Although sleep is all over the place. Last night I literally dreamt about our kitchen cabinet DIY for 8 hours straight. I remember waking my husband up to tell him about what we needed to make sure to do when we built them so that the “critters” wouldn’t get in the walls – heh. (I suppose that’s from having seen one too many mice over the past week enjoying the contents of our compost bin? Who the hell knows).

Nothing like DIY to distract during the 8DW

So yeah, this is our kitchen this week (bottom picture, duh). No upper cabinets! It feels friggin’ HUGE!!!! Now of course all of our dishes are piled up in the dining room and canning & bulk jars are either jammed in the hallway pantry on in the bedroom closet, but hey it’s kinda rad.

Tonight we’re going over to Salvage Works near our house to get a whole bunch of reclaimed 2×4’s so that my hubby can start sanding and staining them for the new cabinets (using the plans provided by the website Homemade Modern, except staining them instead of painting them white, as we want to preserve the look of the natural wood). Once that’s done will build the butcher block style counter tops inspired by the picture above, also made from reclaimed wood. Most folks know that we love to DIY with salvaged wood and it’s so darn cheap relative to other ways of building cabinets so we’re really excited!

But in the meantime lots of cleanup to do so while we’re at the beach our contractor is going to be in fixing up all the walls that have been damaged from pulling out the cabinets. I always thought a kitchen remodel would be horribly expensive and this is not even close! I will do a separate before and after blood when it’s all done to talk about that.

So there we go, distractions galore as we wait to know if what was put in my belly is going to stay in my belly. I think we’re due some good news, don’t you?

 

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  One thought on “5dp5dt

  1. October 10, 2016 at 1:07 pm

    What kind of progesterone suppositories are you on?

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    • October 10, 2016 at 2:41 pm

      Generic Prometrium… and happily this was, as a suppository, covered by my insurance for only $10 for 15 days’ supply, compared to the $60 for the PIO vial that lasts 5 days!

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      • October 11, 2016 at 2:28 am

        Ok good, yeah much cheaper! The prometrium has less d/c than the endometrin suppositories too.

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  2. October 10, 2016 at 2:07 pm

    Loving the kitchen ideas! And a good distraction too in your wait.

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  3. margo
    October 10, 2016 at 2:24 pm

    Enjoy your break at the beach what a great place to chill and soak up some serenity…….oh that made me smile….have you seen an Australian movie called ‘The Castle ‘
    I agree about the wall cabinets, I removed just one and the whole kitchen felt way bigger like the whole wall had been shifted out about a yard. My remodel was 3 years ago and all drawers is definitely the way to go soooooo much extra storage space. The breakfast bar top on the island bench gives me a perfect height workspace for my hand made book construction and cutting out fabric, bread making and soap making, working at table height used to kill my back after 15 minutes.
    All good wishes for your 2 passengers to be bedding down for the long stay.

    Liked by 1 person

    • October 10, 2016 at 2:38 pm

      I have not but I’m sure my Australian husband has so I will ask him… our kitchen is so tiny there is no room for an island so I’m definitely jealous of you there 🙂 do you have a link to any pictures of your kitchen? Thank you for all your kind words!

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  4. October 10, 2016 at 6:21 pm

    Does your RE have a reason for prescribing PIO? I am on the crinone gel. Obviously I do NOT want shots in my butt, but I am wondering if they have better success?

    And yes you are due good news!

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    • October 10, 2016 at 7:55 pm

      He always said he considered it the gold standard and was non-negotiable about it during the week before the transfer, to make sure everything was prepared (I think because, just like delestrogen shots, it goes right to the source and distributes evenly since it’s an injection, compared to supps which have to be absorbed or pills that have to go through the digestive system first).

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  5. A
    October 10, 2016 at 6:26 pm

    Fingers crossed!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. October 11, 2016 at 12:49 am

    Sending lots of positive thoughts your way!! (totsicles cracked me up, I hadn’t heard that before!)

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  7. October 11, 2016 at 3:42 am

    I was on crinone gel I hated it; think I would have preferred injections

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    • October 11, 2016 at 7:30 am

      Daily injections for 15 weeks are not as fun as they seem… in the beginning there no big deal I agree but once you have so many knots in your butt you can’t find a place to put a needle without it being incredibly painful the whole situation changes. The suppositories are super easy and not that messy at all… I wear a pantiliner but unlike a jail the prometrium suppositories aren’t nearly as messy as the gel from what I’ve heard.

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      • October 11, 2016 at 7:43 am

        Hmm 15 weeks does sound like a nightmare… best wishes and good luck with it all

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        • October 11, 2016 at 7:48 am

          Yeah it’s initially for the week before transfer and the week or so before the pregnancy test but if you get a positive pregnancy test then you’re supposed to take it for the whole first trimester…. and that changes the love of a quick injection to target practice for your partner… we were 9 weeks along by the time I had my miscarriage and I was begging for an alternative to the shots by then…

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        • October 11, 2016 at 7:59 am

          Oh, I can see how the gels would be like manna after that

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        • October 11, 2016 at 8:52 am

          Just to be clear, I’m not using a gel – I’m using a suppository, which is a capsule you insert that slowly breaks apart once it’s inside.

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        • October 11, 2016 at 9:07 am

          Yes I got that, thanks; was referring to my earlier rather flippant comment that I would have preferred injections to the gel that I was using. I understand that you’re using suppositories and that the crinone gel that I used during IVF were a type of pessary. All the best anyway. (my comments are clearly a bit rubbish I think I’ll get my coat!!).

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        • October 11, 2016 at 9:13 am

          ahhhh got it :))))

          Liked by 1 person

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