Now they just need a morning after pill to see if IVF *worked* am I right or am I right?
The transfer went smooth, it’s old hat for us which is sad but as my husband said, our stress levels were incredibly low that morning. We gave each other a hug and kiss, I put on the paper blanket over me, and he took his spot at the top so I could hold his hand and look into his eyes as the transfer was done.
My acupuncturist is not only wonderful at what she does, but so cool that near the end of the pre-needles I asked her if, for our 5th attempt, she’d like to stay in the room with us. I’d assumed as a fertility acupuncturist that she had been in many waiting rooms during the actual transfer but, as a fertile person herself with two kids, probably never had the opportunity to see the actual process. And I was right – she jumped at the chance! While I had her standing up next to my husband rather than down at the doctor’s vantage point, we are so used to the procedure now that it’s just no big deal to have another supportive person in the room.
We were sad to find out that one of the two nurses that had been there through the whole time we’d been getting IVF was no longer with the clinic. She was the one who’d whispered to me to ask for the endo scratch last cycle, who kept it real every time, and had an awesome sense of humor (not to mention the only one who I showed my Bitch I’m Madonna tank top to, heh). And because our transfer was at 5pm, the other main nurse there we love was going home, so this older nurse was in the room and she was about the opposite of a ray of sunshine. No smiles, no support, nothing. Because I don’t have to have a full bladder anymore (ever since cycle 3 when I overfilled my bladder and he used a catheter to remove the extra, he said I didn’t need to) she really just stood there and handed him the dilator. But yeah whatever.
The interesting thing this time around was that I was a bit clearer mentally even though I had the valium/vicodin in my system, so when the embryologist came out with the photograph of the freshly thawed buggers (turns out they’re not as cute in the defrost phase as they are when fresh), I had the clarity to ask about what grade the embryos were. Now we know this is subjective of course, but there is some type of decisionmaking process that comes in when a gal and her husband started the process with 13 blastocysts, right? RIGHT? I remember at the onset of this all, last fall, they had said that the split was 7 A’s and 5 B’s. So the natural thought would be that on transfer day, with the 6th and 7th embryos, that these would be the last two A’s, right?
Not exactly. These ones they transferred? Both B’s. And then I asked, oh so we’re out of A’s then? And he said “no we still have a couple of A’s in there”.
What the fuck? I asked why these two were chosen (still laying there on the table under the lights with no pants on, mind you), trying to stay zen and relaxed as I didn’t want to get myself stirred up, and he started out with the usual talk about how the grading process is subjective blah blah blah but that he picked these two out himself. Turns out the embryologist is just the babysitter and photographer, which was interesting. So that’s fine, whatever, but here’s the response that floored me…
“I don’t remember why I chose these two.”
He. Wrote. No. Fucking. Notes. In. My. Chart. Dude, if you don’t think embryo grading is all that objective, why not just have them all graded either yes or know, either “usable” or “unusable”, right? I mean, that’d be fine with me, but hell, if you can’t tell me why you chose them, insist that grading is totally subjective yet you do grade them yourself, then can’t tell me what cool things made these two the ones – even though in the fall you’d graded two others higher, others that were left in the chiller – the ones you are putting in me?
Y’all, I’m trying to not think about it. And when you’ve got no choice in the matter, it’s like being in a room with no windows and a muzzle – you don’t want to get yourself upset, and you can’t seem to simply get basic reasons why decisions were made. As I told him, I’m curious, that’s all! I like understanding reasoning behind decisions…not that I was planning to argue with his decision, it’s just pure and simple learning for me, ya know?
Anyhoo, whatever. It was a beautifully easy day, from our breakfast out to walking around the garden and then across the street to get an hour and a half of Reiki before lazying around on the couch while the rain poured down…ahhh. Dan got his first facial (with some Reiki on the side to boot) as well, getting to experience “the womb” that is the esthetician’s table (imagine if you would a table that feels more like a cush la-z-boy, then covered with a warm blankie and soft music and delicious smells wafting through the air), and as he mumbled as he left, “oh my gawd, fucking awesome…” At the clinic, my acupuncturist did more than the regular pre-needles, going through breathing exercises with me and doing acupressure on my scalp, it was wonderful. We went home and ordered Thai for dinner (nothing like dumplings, Tom Yum soup and Pad Kee Mow to keep the belly warm!) while I got all comfy on the sofa, then finished the night watching a movie on Netflix before konking out early.
So there ya go. Transfer number five in an oversized nutshell. In this day following I have done my best to be on a modified sort of bedrest, basically composed of lying back on the sofa with a pillow under my knees and a notebook in my lap, planning our kitchen DIY. To avoid the killer back strain from cycle four that was caused by long-ass time being sedentary, I got up every 20-30 minutes to walk around the house, which has helped a lot. I’m tired but honestly, felt the best I have ever felt post-transfer. Perhaps it’s the thyroid improvements, perhaps it’s the changing of the seasons (autumn fits me well), who knows, but as it is during every wait, there’s nothing I can do besides stay warm, stay positive, and stay incredibly distracted 🙂
Here’s hoping I’ll be vomiting with morning sickness soon…