The morning after…

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If only this were the reason why I’m so sleepy…

Now they just need a morning after pill to see if IVF *worked* am I right or am I right?

The transfer went smooth, it’s old hat for us which is sad but as my husband said, our stress levels were incredibly low that morning. We gave each other a hug and kiss, I put on the paper blanket over me, and he took his spot at the top so I could hold his hand and look into his eyes as the transfer was done.

My acupuncturist is not only wonderful at what she does, but so cool that near the end of the pre-needles I asked her if, for our 5th attempt, she’d like to stay in the room with us. I’d assumed as a fertility acupuncturist that she had been in many waiting rooms during the actual transfer but, as a fertile person herself with two kids, probably never had the opportunity to see the actual process. And I was right – she jumped at the chance! While I had her standing up next to my husband rather than down at the doctor’s vantage point, we are so used to the procedure now that it’s just no big deal to have another supportive person in the room.

We were sad to find out that one of the two nurses that had been there through the whole time we’d been getting IVF was no longer with the clinic. She was the one who’d whispered to me to ask for the endo scratch last cycle, who kept it real every time, and had an awesome sense of humor (not to mention the only one who I showed my Bitch I’m Madonna tank top to, heh). And because our transfer was at 5pm, the other main nurse there we love was going home, so this older nurse was in the room and she was about the opposite of a ray of sunshine. No smiles, no support, nothing. Because I don’t have to have a full bladder anymore (ever since cycle 3 when I overfilled my bladder and he used a catheter to remove the extra, he said I didn’t need to) she really just stood there and handed him the dilator. But yeah whatever.

The interesting thing this time around was that I was a bit clearer mentally even though I had the valium/vicodin in my system, so when the embryologist came out with the photograph of the freshly thawed buggers (turns out they’re not as cute in the defrost phase as they are when fresh), I had the clarity to ask about what grade the embryos were. Now we know this is subjective of course, but there is some type of decisionmaking process that comes in when a gal and her husband started the process with 13 blastocysts, right? RIGHT? I remember at the onset of this all, last fall, they had said that the split was  7 A’s and 5 B’s. So the natural thought would be that on transfer day, with the 6th and 7th embryos, that these would be the last two A’s, right?

Not exactly. These ones they transferred? Both B’s. And then I asked, oh so we’re out of A’s then? And he said “no we still have a couple of A’s in there”.

What the fuck? I asked why these two were chosen (still laying there on the table under the lights with no pants on, mind you), trying to stay zen and relaxed as I didn’t want to get myself stirred up, and he started out with the usual talk about how the grading process is subjective blah blah blah but that he picked these two out himself. Turns out the embryologist is just the babysitter and photographer, which was interesting. So that’s fine, whatever, but here’s the response that floored me…

“I don’t remember why I chose these two.”

He. Wrote. No. Fucking. Notes. In. My. Chart. Dude, if you don’t think embryo grading is all that objective, why not just have them all graded either yes or know, either “usable” or “unusable”, right? I mean, that’d be fine with me, but hell, if you can’t tell me why you chose them, insist that grading is totally subjective yet you do grade them yourself, then can’t tell me what cool things made these two the ones – even though in the fall you’d graded two others higher, others that were left in the chiller – the ones you are putting in me?

Y’all, I’m trying to not think about it. And when you’ve got no choice in the matter, it’s like being in a room with no windows and a muzzle – you don’t want to get yourself upset, and you can’t seem to simply get basic reasons why decisions were made. As I told him, I’m curious, that’s all! I like understanding reasoning behind decisions…not that I was planning to argue with his decision, it’s just pure and simple learning for me, ya know?

Anyhoo, whatever. It was a beautifully easy day, from our breakfast out to walking around the garden and then across the street to get an hour and a half of Reiki before lazying around on the couch while the rain poured down…ahhh. Dan got his first facial (with some Reiki on the side to boot) as well, getting to experience “the womb” that is the esthetician’s table (imagine if you would a table that feels more like a cush la-z-boy, then covered with a warm blankie and soft music and delicious smells wafting through the air), and as he mumbled as he left, “oh my gawd, fucking awesome…” At the clinic, my acupuncturist did more than the regular pre-needles, going through breathing exercises with me and doing acupressure on my scalp, it was wonderful. We went home and ordered Thai for dinner (nothing like dumplings, Tom Yum soup and Pad Kee Mow to keep the belly warm!) while I got all comfy on the sofa, then finished the night watching a movie on Netflix before konking out early.

So there ya go. Transfer number five in an oversized nutshell. In this day following I have done my best to be on a modified sort of bedrest, basically composed of lying back on the sofa with a pillow under my knees and a notebook in my lap, planning our kitchen DIY. To avoid the killer back strain from cycle four that was caused by long-ass time being sedentary, I got up every 20-30 minutes to walk around the house, which has helped a lot. I’m tired but honestly, felt the best I have ever felt post-transfer. Perhaps it’s the thyroid improvements, perhaps it’s the changing of the seasons (autumn fits me well), who knows, but as it is during every wait, there’s nothing I can do besides stay warm, stay positive, and stay incredibly distracted 🙂

Here’s hoping I’ll be vomiting with morning sickness soon…

EPSON MFP image

These two buggers are now inside me. Let the implantation begin!

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  One thought on “The morning after…

  1. October 6, 2016 at 10:01 pm

    Good luck!!! Wishing you a speedy 2ww and a positive outcome!! Grow embabies grow!

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  2. October 6, 2016 at 11:35 pm

    Good luck 🙂

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  3. October 7, 2016 at 4:31 am

    Awwww 2 beauties! Wishing you Lots of luck 🍀

    Why is it always the good nurses that leave 😢 and I’m sorry about your embryologist being generally shit! I can’t believe their response to your questions 😡 our embryologist was the complete opposite, it was like he was so excited to be explaining ‘his babies’ to us in great detail we couldn’t get rid of him!! There are lots of debates about grading, you are right it would be better to explain as either ‘worthy of transfer’ or ‘not good for transfer’. It outrages me how your embryologist could not remember why they chose those embryos. I can understand how pissed you were. Our last transfer were two ‘mediocre’ 3BB and 3BCs, but the embryologist told us he thought they were still perfect for transfer, although I still found it hard to get out of my head they were rated technically mediocre, so I absolutely get your feelings. It’s not easy 😔
    I’m wishing your embies strength and a positive result for you guys!!! 🍀

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    • October 7, 2016 at 6:02 am

      Our embryologist wasn’t shit, she was nice, our RE was the one that frustrated me 🙂

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  4. October 7, 2016 at 5:55 am

    Stick little embabies, stick!!

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  5. October 7, 2016 at 6:07 am

    Im so happy to hear everything went well and that you feel great! I am so sorry that the nurse you loved left. I liked the nurses that put my iv in and went over my chart but the nurses that were in the actual room were not my favorite they were very rude actually and not comforting. Go figure. I love that you have an acupuncturist and she was with you during the transfer. I loved mine but we dont see her anymore because it was 100 dollars every session! I hope to hear good news from you soon!! Wishing you all the morning sickness symptoms ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • October 7, 2016 at 7:01 am

      Thanks! Our Clinic is so small that there are only two nurses who work there so having a new person after a year-and-a-half is a shock to the system… just so glad that the actual transfer process is so fast! As my husband and I were just saying this morning to each other, who knows perhaps the embryologist does the initial grading and then he makes the final decision when they thawed out, trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. Yes we are fortunate that my acupuncturist is covered by insurance…. she charges for three appointments to come to the actual transfer because of travel time but that’s just fine! My fertility clinics in house acupuncturist charged $150 and she wasn’t very nice either so it was nice to have my own person with me as well for that purpose 🙂

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  6. October 7, 2016 at 7:56 am

    I LOVE tom yum! Sending good vibes your way.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. October 7, 2016 at 11:11 am

    The TWW is SOOOOOOO hard even though its not a full 2 weeks. They REALLY need to invent a “morning after” pill, you are right! Your little ones are adorable and hopefully you can forget the strange embryologist and here’s hoping you get morning sickness soon!

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    • October 7, 2016 at 11:25 am

      Are embryologist wasn’t strange at all, she was really nice…our RE is the one I was grumpy about 😦

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      • October 7, 2016 at 12:03 pm

        ohhhh I couldn’t tell 🙂

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    • October 7, 2016 at 11:25 am

      Oops “our” not “are”!

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  8. October 7, 2016 at 6:40 pm

    I’m sure he had a good reason for picking those two. I feel like it’s almost better to use the lower grades first because then we can use the better grades when we are older. Idk, it makes sense to me, always trying to look on the bright side. 🙂

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    • October 7, 2016 at 8:40 pm

      Gotta disagree there – I’m 42 years old so “when we are older” for me would be menopause. I’m on my 5th DEIVF transfer and $30,000 into this, so I think I deserved to know why he made this decision.

      Liked by 1 person

      • October 8, 2016 at 12:53 am

        Ohh, you are right, I would want the very best ones first then :/ I don’t blame you for being frustrated, but let’s hope it’s all for naught!

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  9. October 8, 2016 at 9:18 am

    Just catching up – can’t believe you’re at transfer already! Wishing you all the luck in the world. I can’t believe your RE – I’m also really puzzled as to why they didn’t transfer the A’s. If it’s any consolation though I no longer believe that much in the grading. On one of my cycles my only normal embryo wouldn’t have been the A graded one – it was the 3rd best out of 6, so it’s hard to tell. Let’s hope these two are good and implanting right now. Everything crossed for you! x

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