Entry #72: Two Plus One

“I have put up my heart to be shot at.”
~ JRR Tolkein

Kind of a rad quote to align with the infertility struggle that so many of us are living with, eh? Well, as I mentioned before, I’m trying to add more perspective to this leg of the journey. So here goes some more rambles …

Fertility Foods – Which One Is Not Like The Other?

So can any of y’all guess what one of these five are not a “recommended fertility enhancing / implantation encouraging” food…? No, I’m not falling for the “pineapple core WILL make the embryo implant”, just did a bit of a

  • Adzuki Bean Stew – Just made this recipe my acupuncturist gave me to encourage good, protein-rich, warming foods in me now. I substituted sweet potatoes and it was alright to the taste (a bit too cumin-y for me) but I gotta say y’all… I cannot eat stew in June. This is winter food.
  • Chai TeaHey, I’m already hooked on St Kilda’s Prana Chai, so much so that after the last trip to Australia, we made it our mission to have it on hand, and ordered a year’s supply, it’s that good. And as my LAc said in her e-book, chai “is energetically warm and therefore really great for fertility and especially great in the winter from a Chinese energetics perspective.” Yay 🙂
  • Lemon Ginger Tea – My lifesaver for the nausea. This morning it was so bad I missed my return-to-yoga class as I dry heaved for the thirty minutes that should have been spent walking over there and doing yin poses. While I can make it with lemon juice and ground ginger, this Three Ginger version from Pukka is amazing – and yeah, ironic to say out loud…I drink Pukka when I feel like I’m gonna puke-ah.
  • Brazil Nuts – They’re alright in my book. Buy them in the bulk aisle and save a ton – I only munch on two a day and take them right after popping my prenatal, thyroid meds and calcium supplements. Anything that’s good for my thyroid is cool with me.
  • Salami, pepperoncini, and cheese slice? Yes please. OK so no it’s not on the list but what I like about my doc is her focus is on ADDING the fertility-friendly things to your diet, finding good substitutions, and making sure the warm foods she recommends are 70% of my diet…not some crazy strict thing that will make me climb the walls in deprivation. I’m doing okay on warm foods but hey, on my day off with my husband and after shot number three, I cried three separate times out of the cumulative hormonally messy effects from the Delestrogen, so it was mandatory that we go for a slice on Alberta. This may have been followed by a French cruller at Tonalli’s Donuts, but you’ll never know now, will you…?

But here’s the deal? Beating myself up about less-than-perfect food choices is getting me nowhere. I’m prone to emotional eating. Period. Like my husband said, I’ve got nothing to be sorry about. We’re all just doing the best we can getting through our IVF cycles. I’m just glad I don’t have to do this while going into an office – amen for self-employment.

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The WTF Time of the Cycle is Back!

Woo hoo! So you go through a shitty round of IVF and it fails and the physical and emotional stress was so bad, you’re not sure if you can do it again. Then you have 6 weeks off with no injections, and I dunno, it’s like you forget what happened in the last cycle and think, aw, it’s not so bad. You drink some wine, down an espresso, and remember the good times without the perma-PMS of your last cycle. And sometimes you forget just how fucking intense these treatments are. Heh.

Then you wake up this morning with your shoulders and collarbone area and upper arms so sore you find yourself whimpering, and realize while watching a bit of the Grand Floral Parade on TV that during a commercial showing a parent and their kid, you start crying as if you’d just watched Beaches. Husband comes over, rubs your shoulders and gives you lots of kisses, and proves his eternal awesomeness all over again.

So when this happened today I said to him, you know what, I may feel like shit but if I’m going to feel like shit no matter what? I’d rather do it out in nature than with a blanket pulled over me in front of the TV. So he grabbed the keys, we jumped in the car with the pup, and went for a walk along the water…ahhh…I wasn’t exactly in skipping mode, but just watching our dog investigating nature and laughing at another couple’s dog who was racing straight into the river to swim after tennis balls? It was a worthwhile distraction.

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When the Going Gets Tough? Get Reiki.

So I’ve talked quite a bit about different forms of self care I’ve undertaken during the past year and half of attempted baby making. From my regular monthly massage to pre-transfer Mayan abdominal massage to counseling to acupuncture to supplements to, of course, nutrition, I’ve tried to be pretty open to things that will help me stay chill. I don’t look at these self-care rituals as “this will be what makes the embryo stick” but rather “this is what will keep me from regular anxiety attacks during the cycle and 9 day wait for the results.

While there are some good articles about reiki and IVF, I just knew I needed some warm nurturing healing energy around me, and went into my esthetician this afternoon (who is literally located at the end of my block next to the cafe I do my coaching meetings in, how’s that for proximity) and emptied my soul, then asked her to incorporate Reiki into it in whatever way she saw fit. Did she ever.

90 minutes later, after not only a blissful facial but amazing shoulder, neck, arm, leg and food massage with Reiki blended in? I was a completely new woman. No pain, a mellow demeanor, and the mantra in my head softly repeating, I am a mother.

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On the Adoption Front

No news from our agency (or that’d have been front page news on this blog), but a frustrating thing I learned through way too much time on Google is how much longer the Ethiopia waits are getting for other folks out there. Believe it or not, after enough scrolling through blogs, I found another couple using the same agency for us who have been waiting for (wait for it…) three YEARS. While our agency has a great track record, they do referrals in what I’ll call “matchmaking style” – so not just “first kid available gets first parent available”. They actually make sure the kiddo is a good fit for the parents and vice versa before referring him/her to the prospective parents. A good thing but also a tough thing because of these waits. So does this mean that Dan & I still have a couple of YEARS before even KNOWING who our kiddo is, or will something happen before then to give us more optimism? It remains to be seen. But we could very well have our house paid off before we meet our little girl. Sigh…

“You must give up the life you had planned in order to have the life that is waiting for you.”
~ Joseph Campbell

 

 

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  One thought on “Entry #72: Two Plus One

  1. June 12, 2016 at 12:35 am

    I’m impressed with your patience on the adoption front (even though I know you have no choice in the matter!). IVF is all about doing/organising/planning and the adoption route just seems to be about waiting….waiting….waiting. Must be really tough not to constantly pester them for news. I hope you hear something soon.

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    • June 12, 2016 at 8:59 am

      Ha thanks – I guess having all the DEIVFs to keep me crazy in other ways keeps me calmer about adoption…? Yeah I try to bug the agency every other month, with a new approach each time beyond “any news?” (i.e., “so I heard that tensions have subsided in Addis, how are the orphanages” or “so are the MOWA staff back to work now?” – sounds more clever eh? 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. June 13, 2016 at 11:54 am

    I’ve got everything crossed that the wait is nowhere near that long x

    Liked by 1 person

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