How it all went down
This time I didn’t want to be around when the call came in. This morning I took a HPT before my blood test at the clinic, and it was negative. While I know these can be deceptive, and positives can come, I “knew” the day of the transfer that it wasn’t going to work. One always wonders if these types of things are real premonitions but I had this feeling after the catheter “incident” involving my full bladder that my body wasn’t going to take this one either.
So I cried in advance in my husband’s arms. All of us who’ve been through it know the cry, the full-body shake and the wail of sorts. He’s my best friend and my protector, and I remember thinking, I don’t want him to have to go through this anymore.
Anyhow, I had my blood drawn at 7:15am. As usual, we didn’t hear til mid-afternoon…the longest 7 hours of our lives as you can imagine. So we packed in the morning as best as possible, meeting first with our new beekeeping mentor to learn more about our swarm trap, hive, and process to get everything started, then I’d gone across the street to the esthetician for a facial and left my phone with my husband to take the call.
When I got home the doc hadn’t called so I headed out to the grocery store and to drop off some donations, and when I came back around 2pm before I got out of the car I just sat there in the driveway, my heart palpitating. When I walked in he was talking in a low voice to the doctor, looked up at me and simply shook his head no.
While some want to be on the phone themselves to hear it, I really wanted my husband to know what that call is like, to know the sound of our RE’s voice when he starts out with “Well…” And he commented to me right away that being on the phone himself, talking to the doctor himself, asking questions himself, gave him added empathy for what I’d already gone through.
Outside, it continued to rain.
So with this shit news, and that numbness that comes along with it, my husband also talked to the doc about immunology tests, which I’d read about on other blogs and forums and several had asked about. Fortunately, he was not against the idea (as he doesn’t volunteer it, we have had to learn about these things on our own, grr…), he recommended the Anti-Nuclear Antibodies (ANA) and the Natural Killer (NK) Cells tests. He was supportive of the first but has strong doubts about the second, however understanding that we want to at least get an idea of what the hell’s going on in my body, I’m going in there tomorrow to get my blood drawn to check that out.
We don’t know what this will bring us, but as anyone with multiple fails will attest to, it’d sure be nice to find something. From what I understand, there are a few ways of treating these conditions should they find elevated levels of this stuff in my blood. One common way is through Prednisone and/or Clexane, which I’ve seen on the forums but didn’t realize it’s actually part of the standard protocol at many clinics (and have heard has helped a lot of women who previously had multiple negatives and/or miscarriages). Fortunately if this is the case at least those are covered by insurance since they’re primarily prescribed for non-infertility issues.
As usual, with this it means that I am off the nauseating Estradiol pills and my ass can heal as it’s got a few significant lumps from the PIO injections. Plus, now I get to wait for my fucking period to begin in a few days. Oh joy.
Thank god tonight’s Scandal and since we have a BFN? That means red wine. Over and out.