Entry #54: Two Plus One



24 hours til we know.

Still nauseous, emotional, hotflashing, and all that other super fun stuff. Still feeling the plantar fasciitis that returned with a vengeance right around the same time I started DEIVF that keeps me from the long walks and hikes that I love so much (no matter what type of expensive insole I try – my LAc takes a pretty moderate approach to this so I’m going to see the little old lady at the end of the month who helped me 10 years ago when it first happened).

Still can’t imagine what a Yes might sound like. Still fairly dark in mood when it comes to hope. It just doesn’t feel possible, viable, I don’t know the words. Feeling barren both mentally and physically. Not Eeyore level, but not Polly Peppy either. Still, trying not to think about it.

This time around we will not be going to any public places the afternoon of Results Day, which is when the doc has called before. This time my husband is in charge of answering the phone, as I’ve blocked out 2 hours to go get a facial and Reiki with a new esthetician who – oh happy day – just opened up next to the cafe across the street from our house.

Oh yes and ladies, one thing I did learn is that sex is NOT a bad thing during the transfer/TWW period. Now as one blogger said, going through regular IVF, she wasn’t in any mood anyways because her ovaries were sore as hell, but for me in DEIVF land, and many others, during times when you don’t want to punch anyone in the face, that kind of intimacy is hard to go without. And guess what? For those like me with male partners, it was actually reported in the Oxford Journals that “exposure to semen around the time of embryo transfer increases the likelihood of successful early embryo implantation and development”!

Aw hell yeah. So no regrets for our getaway to the beach 😉

More Contingency Planning.

Husband and I discussed and if this doesn’t work this time, we are going to request some  testing, as we really want to find out if there’s something going on with me … and cross off any “what-ifs”. Our RE isn’t big into a lot of expensive tests, which is why his fees are so low, and from what I’ve read, a lot of REs don’t customize their approach based on the person, rather devising an overall protocol for all patients based on overall results they’ve achieved based on those. And for those who succeed within a few tries, obviously this is fine. But for those of us who are told everything looks good and chances are 50/50 but it’s still not working? Worth exploring.

Implantation dysfunction, and the related immunology issues that can affect up to 20% of failures in otherwise healthy women, is something I’ve been reading about on a number of blogs, forums, and other RE websites for a while and when someone asked online if I was planning on getting tested, it really made me think – hey maybe it IS me, maybe it IS worth not just putting my uterus literally in the doc’s hands and, if we get a negative tomorrow, see what we can learn about my blood to see if, after transfer, my uterus is – in layperson’s terms – possibly considering the embryo a foreign object. The chance that our embryos won’t have a fighting chance in its current state is worth finding out before even considering another try.

And here’s the thing – we aren’t sure if we even want to try again. Honestly, if our Ethiopia adoption was rolling along at a nice clip as we’d anticipated it would before the shakeups in the country and with MOWA, and they anticipated a referral soon, it’d be fairly black and white, as being parents is our first priority, with doing it via pregnancy more of a “nice to have” but in no way more important than our adoption.

But that’s the future and hey, you never know, the next blog post could be a positive one. In the meantime, I’ve got bread baking, a husband studying, a dog sleeping, and a smile on my face from reading to my two students at SMART this afternoon. Not bad.


12 thoughts on “Entry #54: Two Plus One

  1. Great attitude. I now aim for feeling ‘neutral’ instead feeling positive through my two week waits…and I know two good friends who had success like that. All this ‘you’ve got to keep hoping’ advice normally comes from those without IF issues or those who had success first time and so don’t know what they are talking about. Keep everything crossed. What type of bread are you baking?

    Liked by 1 person

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