Weary ‘n’ Teary
I gotta say even though it’s our 3rd try at this DEIVF thing, I’m left wiped out. Start out the day feeling good, get home from the grocery store and just collapse, emotions sucked out of you in amazing ways.
And I gotta say, as my infertility blog buddies know, we really get the gamut on comments from folks.
There are the wonderful people, like my massage therapist who I sent my husband to, for example, who not only took the time to ask HIM how HE was doing – something that has very rarely happened for him, not even from family and friends of his who know what’s going on – but also sent home a card with him for me that is treating me to an extra massage….on the house. Rock solid awesome human being this woman is, I gotta say.
And then there are other occurrences which have ranged from deafening silence to comments about someone they know going through it or a story they heard about it and you’re left in this awkward place because you know they’re coming from a good place but you can’t quite articulate why you just want them to just.stop.talking.about.it
Special note to all who’ve never personally experienced infertility: Hugs are never a bad thing to offer us, nor is telling the affected man or woman something to the effect of, “I will be there to support you however you need me to,” – then following through. Nothing else is needed -no stories of someone you know who tried five IVF cycles and now has triplets, no asking us what we’re going to do if it doesn’t work , and no comments to those of us who are also in the adoption process that at least we have that going for us – because first, until the child is at home and the paperwork is complete, you don’t have a child, and second, while adopting is beautiful, it doesn’t suddenly erase the brutal pain of your body giving up on you while others you know had no problem getting pregnant in their late 30’s/early 40’s. And NO, you can’t empathize with us because your friend/sister/coworker went though it…it is NOT the same as having gone through it yourself! But you can listen, you can squeeze their hand, you can call them or send them a card with your support, or offer to distract them during the process, especially that awful time between the transfer and the pregnancy test results day.
Laugh of the Week
This kicked ass and I have a feeling my infertile blog buddies (and those who went through it for a long time before finally getting good news) will crack up at…I can’t wait for further “episodes”!
It’s so fucked up how politics affects the adoption process. We’ve found out this week that internal disagreements about process between federal and local agencies in Ethiopia (MOWA) appear to have put everything at a near-standstill now, so even with an estimated 4.5 million orphaned children in the country (approximately 5% of the population). Along with that, the increasing malnutrition due to drought in Ethiopia is making it even harder out there. our agency is doing everything they can but there is nothing they can do while MOWA figures out what to do and gets people working on the adoption cases pending, like ours. All they can say is “the program is still going, but the process has slowed.”
There is a hole in my heart that grows deeper and darker as time goes on waiting for our little girl to be matched with us. It wasn’t until we got into this process that we realized how our love for someone we’ve never seen nor met holds strong in our hearts.