Entry #39: Two Plus One

Pushing Myself to Move Forward

The weekend is here – well, the weekend for some folks. My husband’s “weekends” happen to be midweek, so today’s his “Tuesday”. As much as possible I try to align my business hours with his, which actually works really well for what I do professionally, giving me the ability to work and meet with coaching clients and recruiting candidates at times that are convenient to them. So while the rest of the world is battling the weekend crowds in leisure-land, today I’m plopped on the sofa, spending time working on 5 coaching clients, and am really loving it.

What does this have to do with this particular column on my blog? Well it’s about focusing my energies off myself, and towards helping others. The career coaching work I do is all about getting others closer to where they want to be in their professional lives, and I absolutely love helping people put their best foot forward when looking for a job, when navigating the often terrifying world of networking with new people, and using my nearly two decades of recruiting & HR background to dispel the many myths out there and empower them as they go out and look for that dream job, change industries, etc. Too many folks have been subject to the “black hole of recruiting” where they never get feedback on how they did, and often not even a courtesy call/email after an interview. Ugh. That’s why I started doing this side of my business so long ago – to shine a light on what is happening, and show those who are open to it ways to get closer to their goals.

Like they say, when you want to ease your own stresses, help someone else out.

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Dealing With Speedbumps

And yeah there of course are the occasional things coming up as the days progress.

It’s been a restless sleep, tossing and turning, with an upset stomach to boot. I keep remembering the dream I had the night before the transfer, the first baby-related one to ever occur during infertility treatments, of finding out we needed to go buy a carseat because we had to bring the baby home in two days! (By the way, I’ve never in 25 years of baby-related dreams EVER had them be about finding out I was newly pregnant. I’ve *always* found out at about 8 months in my dream, literally ‘waking up’ to feel a huge belly. For the most part, it’s been a last minute thing. A complete surprise.

So what does that mean?

The “wondering if it’s a sign” types of moments came into play as well, as the few quiet times I’ve allowed myself these past two days have been that as-to-be-expected retracing of steps. While I so very very very very much want to experience pregnancy and bringing life into the world in such an organic way (even if science was a big help!), my life has never been one that’s followed traditional steps…nor has my husband’s. It seems like we are the king and queen of Outside The Box. Does the same apply for my uterus? Do all these last-minute-pregnancy dreams all these years mean I was never meant to have a child from my own womb, but rather learn in a sudden flash who she is?

I don’t know.

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The Future

Tomorrow remains to be seen. We will try one more cycle this spring, and if that doesn’t work, we will leave it be. There are more embryos on ice and they’ve signed a one-year lease in the doc’s freezer, if we change our mind later.

But today is all we have. And today is what I shall focus on. Being the best person I can be. Learning something new every day about myself and how to contribute to the world in a deeper way. Loving and embracing and treasuring my amazing husband, who is my best friend and greatest thing that’s ever happened to me, each and every day. Enjoying every joyous smile my girl Ruby gives me from the moment she comes into our room each morning to greet us, pushing her nose into my hand, and fall in love every evening watching her tuck her paws under her as she snores away on her bed in front of the television. Loving this life that I have been given and the memories we’ve made and the memories yet to be created. Remembering that across an ocean a little girl may just be emerging into this world, or may already be in it, needing a family to love and cherish her and bring her home to a little blue house in Stumptown.

That’s my resolution.

“The struggle ends when the gratitude begins.”
~Neale Donald Walsch

 

 

 

 

 

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