Expect the Best, Prepare for the Worst
6 days past transfer. 2 days until the pregnancy test and results that could change everything, or send me into a tailspin no matter how “prepared” I feel for a negative verdict.
My lower belly feels a constant heaviness and has been experiencing frequent subtle little lightning bolts (nothing earth shattering, kind of a stinging nausea) for the past few days. The weekend was all about a constant nausea, up to the throat kind, then for the past two days finding it hard to naturally take deep breaths – I have to stop and deliberately attempt to breathe. And yeah, today the girls are sore as well. My emotions of course are turbulent but I have buried myself pretty well in my work and a few meals with some friends who have made time to help distract me (and tolerate my whirling dervish style of speech during this crazy ride…).
My husband and I went to the pub around the corner tonight for our usual Tuesday-is-his-Friday meal, and as we walked home, we discussed the “what if” of this Thursday. What if it’s a yes? Obviously, we do a preliminary happy dance and zen out for the next 12 weeks as we hope for the first trimester to get off to a . What if it’s another no? Do we try again? Do we take a couple months off again before we try? As of tonight, if it’s a bust, we plan to see if third time’s a charm.
But until then, I’ll be marathon watching the final season of Mad Men (because that’s how behind the times I am, so say nothing about the finale, mm-kay?), go read to my two first graders as I do nearly every week, and hopefully get one last day of unseasonally warm February weather to bask in with my sweetheart.
“We need the sweet pain of anticipation to tell us we are really alive.”
~ Albert Camus