Entry #32: Two Plus One

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Today is the day. Transfer is in 4.5 hours and I start the fill-myself-with-water-til-I-almost-pee-my-pants now, then eventually get some ibuprofen, valium and vicodin in my system to keep me fine and mellow.

My husband and I were up late last night, talking about the future, how we wanted to take care of ourselves and each other, him rubbing my feet and me trying to breathe slowly and mindfully. I had my acupuncture appointment with my naturopath and will also have another session today with the RE’s in-house acupuncturist (30 minutes before and after the transfer), and tonight a good friend is coming over to eat pasta with us and get the positive energy flowing.

I’ve been pretty mellow in my perspective this time (hormonally a fucking mess, but perspective-wise, trying to be realistic and not expect anything), but today my heart of course has not stopped beating through my chest.

And then a client shot me a rude email this morning, something that is not unusual from my past experience with that person, but this time it continued to disregard my plea in advance for him to please handle things directly with the person we were talking about during this whopping two-day medical leave (I usually am available 7 days a week via email, y’all). It just leveled me. When you’re going through the incredible stress of multiple rounds of infertility treatments, you start thinking about what’s important, what’s tolerable, and where you want to focus going forward. If it works this time, I’ll be experiencing pregnancy for the first time and I often think of that quote where she is pregnant and tells her husband, “..then we should give this baby the most serene gestation on the planet.”

That’s what I want for myself, my husband, and my child should today be a success.

My doctor reminded me that it is the embryo that is to blame for implantation not occurring – NOT my own body. That helps to keep in mind. He is optimistic and at ease, so now it is my turn to be the same.

Wish us luck.

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(image source)

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