Preparing For Try #2
Well here we are, the countdown to our second attempt at getting one of our embryos to not only stick but turn into a live human. This morning it felt, well, real.
Friday, we kicked off the daily IM injections of progesterone-in-oil, and boy did I forget how that stuff kicks the shit out of me. Pure, overwhelming exhaustion to put it mildly. Oh yes and I’d seemed to have put out of my mind the soreness from the injection site and the bruising that comes with it. Yay! Looking at the most common side effects of progesterone, here’s how mine square off:
- Vivid Dreams: Well, last night I did dream my husband insisted I sing the Journey song More Than A Feeling to a bunch of people. Did I mention I detest Journey?
- Increased Facial Hair: No, nay, nada. (Whew!) But it did inspire me to clean up my eyebrows a bit, something I’ve paid no attention to in eons.
- Total Impatience: I can definitely say as it pertains to patience with myself, as I’ve been particularly skilled at amping up my internal bag lady voice telling me that if I don’t have enough contracts lined up I’ll drive our family into bankruptcy within months. Ahh, hormones.
- Cramping: Pretty nonexistent. May these never occur!
- Wicked Hunger: Or as I call it, irrational hunger. While I’ve been staying within the confines of my designated calorie range, yesterday I had takeout sushi and two chocolate mochis from Trader Joe’s for dinner, things I haven’t eaten in years.
- Tired All The Time: Fuck yeah. Oh my GAWD I’ve been walking around in a haze. And while I know a bit of the lack of energy is that I’ve not been able to go to step class in 2 weeks because of my plantar fasciitis that’s healing, I’m also falling asleep way early and not ready to get up in the mornings. Wheeeee…..
- Lightheaded/Dizzy: I’ll substitute this for extreme nausea. That feeling of dread that I’ll yak in front of someone again is just sitting there quietly. Ugh.
- Sore Bum: It sucks. Not just sore to the touch but sore to sit on, lay on, et cetera. But hey, it’ll keep me on my feet more, right? 🙂
- Weight Loss: One can only hope!
- Zits: Crossing my fingers they don’t return this time around. But I am taking L-Lysine every day to bolster my immunity so that the stress won’t affect my skin whether it be zits or cold sores.
Allowing For Daydreams
When you’ve been trying to conceive and going through multiple infertility treatments, after a while you are afraid to let those plans you have for a family come to the forefront of your mind. You don’t want to look at baby clothes or books or stuffed animals. You don’t want to think anymore about midwives or diaper services or how you’ll get by once the baby comes. Now you think about what your life might be like if it doesn’t work – if the embryo doesn’t implant, if the adoption falls through. What will your life look like? Will you ever be the same?
Then you go into the elementary school where you sub for another reader, taking on 4 kids instead of two that week. And your first kiddo is a kindergartener named Mariah who grabs your hand and smiles, and her three little girl classmates tag closely behind you. And after you read with her and walk her back to class and she and the other three all ask you for hugs at the end, after just 30 minutes together? You beam. Your face literally lights up, and you remember why you’ve been trying.
And hope returns.