So this past week time has been trickling by. Even with a healthy pace in my work, the thoughts are becoming – as to be expected – somewhat all consuming.
Fear of Twins
The fact that we are adopting at the same time we are doing donor egg IVF means that we are absolutely not wanting to risk twins by having two blastocysts (5 day old embryos) transferred. But it’s always a doozy to think about the fact that the odds go from “probability” with two (80% success rate) down to “flip of a coin” (50% success rate, factoring in 10% result in miscarriage). And I hear my body begging me to get off these hormones as I woman up for another shot in the ass from my husband and start my yoga breathing, and think “could I possibly go through a second round of this if it doesn’t work this time?
But really, my brain says – two babies at once while trying to run your business, or one more month of hormones? Look at the picture, and make this your visual mantra, I tell myself.
Dan’s Big Week is Here!
Yay! The week has arrived for my husband to participate in the baby-making process, beyond his role as Booty Shot Giver, Foot Massager, and Extra Patient and Supportive Spouse. Yep, he gets to make his “donation” on Friday so the doc called us to remind us that there shall be no monkey business from Tuesday through Friday! (giggle)
(For those not in the know, when preparing for IUI, IVF, etc., you have to make sure that you time this stuff right – basically, if you go too long without it, there ends up being too much old sperm in the mix, and if you get together too close to the donation date, you’ve not given the boys enough time to recharge and maximize the quantity and quality. So there ya go.)
Physical Exhaustion + Aerobic Exercise Withdrawal = Sleep Queen
So everything I have read in recent days about preparing for this donor egg in-vitro process is saying to keep exercise at a moderate level – walk, yoga, etc. Nothing super heart pumping or high impact. So it’s no wonder that my biking with my husband has been extra challenging! Here I was just feeling out of shape, but with these hormones and such, my body was asking for a rest. Hmph! Not like I’m some marathon runner, but not riding with my husband to work on a beautiful sunny fall day is, well, fucking annoying. Not to mention having to take the bus to my massage therapist, grrr… But the dog sure is happy 🙂
While it’s not exactly a peaceful slumber – I’m a flip-flopper at night, and on these hormones, every flip or flop wakes that asshole Nausea Beast who’s been camped out in my uterus – I am rarely not passed out cold by about 10:30. Sorry, Jimmy Kimmel. As ‘shot night’ usually falls around then, and I use my heating pad to prep my upper bum area and put the Pandora “Classical for Relaxation” channel (who’d a thunk this’d be my jam way back…then again, I’ve never been to a symphony that didn’t cause insta-sleep within minutes of arrival, which is why I don’t go!), I zonk out pretty quick afterwards. We also got some blackout roller shades from Ikea this month for our bedroom that have helped a LOT.
Something We’d Never Thought About
So the doc estimates that they’ll probably get around 15 or so eggs from our donor. It sounds like a lot but on average only about 65-75% turn into embryos, and then after that they have to survive until Day 5 blastocyst stage. Embryos are then graded (yep “Grade A egg” is not just for chickens, y’all!). The normal range for embryos making it to blastocyst is anywhere from 25-60%. So…there’s a distinct possibility we’ll only have a few to choose from by Day 5. And then there of course is the chance for implantation…and then if implanted, the chance for miscarriage.
I know, Debbie Downer! But what it reminded me of, along with our adoption process, is that none of this is guaranteed. We may have two beautiful children in the next two years, or we may have one, or we may have none.
Fortunately, I’ve gotten used to the emotional ups and downs of this process, and ultimately we are feeling really good about everything. Today I laid on my acupuncturist’s table, and she gave me just the awesome reminders I needed, then put on some music, leaving the room by saying “bitches get pregnant with this music!” and laughing…I love her 🙂
And The Big Day is Scheduled!
So as we go to press here, I just got off the phone with the Doc and we are all set up for my transfer to happen next Wednesday. Yup, in a week I’ll be popping a Valium and we’ll be in the office, getting a 5 day old blastocyst put in me and crossing our fingers and toes. WOW…hard to believe the day is almost here! Saturday we’ll get our first update to find out how many eggs were retrieved and then fertilized.
And with that, we decided to put together a gift to thank our anonymous donor. Writing the card today, I started sobbing…this is really happening! In 3 weeks we might be pregnant!
Everything comes gradually and at its appointed hour. ~Ovid