Entry Number Eleven: Two Plus One

Ultrasound Day Arrives

Everything seems to move at a snail’s pace when you’re waiting for Transfer Day. This week has been particularly trying for me physically as Monday was when my normal all-day nausea turned into an afternoon barf-a-thon. Remember that scene in Stand by Me when everyone eats the blueberry pie and vomits all over? Well it wasn’t that dramatic but my tummy sure felt like it, oy!!

Fortunately, it didn’t kick off until AFTER my client meeting (that woulda been awkward!), but it did happen near the tail end of visiting with a girlfriend and her 7 week old little girl. What started out as me holding her cute little swaddled bundle and being called the “baby whisperer” (I guess she was being a holy terror then chilled out as soon as I got there), ended up with me ralphing in her bathroom and my dear sweet friend insisting she drive me home (the bus ride was terrifying me just to think about). So glad she did, as the rest of the afternoon and evening I was a puking, moaning, groggy mess. Yay hormones!! And of course the best part was the booty shot at the end of the night. Oh joy…

The hormones have fortunately not affected my moods like I’d feared and like many of my IVF “colleagues” have dealt with. But physically it’s been a rollercoaster, as this week along with the nausea/puke factor, we also have a godawful bloat after even the smallest meal – the distension of my tummy that you could bounce a quarter off (but in that totally unsexy, non-six-pack way).

Anyhow, yesterday we had our ultrasound to measure the lining of my uterus. Ah the magic of ultrasound technology, using sound waves to check stuff out and see if I’m all good to go when it comes to being physically prepared for an embryo to implant. And…all looks great! I’m already at 8mm which is good, with just under 2 weeks til the transfer! It was a huge sigh of relief as this is obviously essential to see to move forward, and after all these drugs, I needed a positive 🙂

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What-NOT-to-say-to-an-adoptive-mother

Are.You.SERIOUSLY.Asking.Me.That?

We know that most folks are well-meaning, but sadly too many don’t think about how they would feel if they were in our shoes.

  • One person told me on multiple occasions that adoption is great for me and my “green” self because it’s the ultimate form of recycling. I was so horrified all I could do was politely laugh and play along.
  • Tons have asked me why we chose to go international, and why Ethiopia in particular. What’s a nice way to say “why does this matter to you?”
  • A large number have made the suggestion that “just relaxing” and “going on vacation” and “not thinking about it” is usually when it happens. Yes, because THAT’S why I can’t get pregnant. NOT that I don’t actually produce eggs most of the time. But hey, maybe you know better than my RE.
  • WAY too many have told me about the stories of someone they knew who got pregnant after adopting, so I shouldn’t assume I’m infertile. Ah yes, you know better about my low ovarian reserve – all us infertiles are alike, you know! And hey, you’re right, I shouldn’t grieve because your friend/sister/neighbor/colleague finally got pregnant.

And of course, nearly everyone says, “It’ll happen, hang in there!” Fertility expert Rachel Gurevich explains it perfectly: “I know this seems like a reassuring thing to say, but unfortunately it isn’t. One problem with this is it makes it sound inevitable that things will work out in the end. The truth is they may not. Being told, “Don’t worry, it’ll happen,” tends to be translated internally as, “Stop complaining because it’s not a big deal anyway.” The other problem with this statement is it implies “giving up” isn’t an option. But deciding to stop treatment, or even deciding not to pursue treatments at all, is sometimes exactly what a couple needs to do.”

So when your mind and body feel like a fucking blender, you often end up trying to laugh these things off or just change the conversation, as it’s just too hard to explain to those who haven’t been there. So I write. And I read the blogs of others struggling and find solidarity there.

 

(image source)

A Speedbump Hits Us

Today a pink letter came from USCIS telling us they have information in my husband’s immigration paperwork that doesn’t match up with our adoption paperwork we sent them. It turns out a major misunderstanding on my husband’s part during how he answered an important question in our homestudy, and a lack of fine-tooth-comb level of proofreading on my part before sending it in, and so to fix it? Calls to Australia, physicians, our adoption agency, and writing a letter clarifying, apologizing, and asking for forgiveness as they review amended paperwork (yes, our home study has to be amended as well). But of course this all happens on a Friday afternoon, meaning no wheels will really start turning for a couple days. It’s left me dumbstruck, exhausted, and with these hormones, trying not to melt into a puddle of tears.

September has been a test of epic proportions. Mother Earth help me breathe.

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  One thought on “Entry Number Eleven: Two Plus One

  1. September 26, 2015 at 10:58 am

    Aimee, I can only imagine the stress all this has put on you I am thrilled for you that your sonogram was so positive.

    Those questions you have listed about adoption, shame on anyone who ever utters a single one of them!

    Like

    • September 27, 2015 at 1:12 pm

      Thank you, Lois. It’s funny, for the longest time I tried very hard to not call out these comments, thinking I was being too sensitive, but they just sat in my gut for too long that I needed to put it out there!

      Like

  2. September 27, 2015 at 4:16 am

    I’m looking forward to your future posts about life with your children. May the sailing on these seas be as smooth as possible…

    Like

    • September 27, 2015 at 1:10 pm

      Thanks Bill! I’m waiting for those calm waters to arrive 🙂

      Like

  3. September 30, 2015 at 5:46 pm

    Hi! So glad you found comfort in my article. Wishing you all the best!!!

    ~ Rachel

    Like

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