whether or not

i put my head down as you said it
not many make me blush

something about those words still ring in my mind.
but i’m a long way from home.

i’ve been beating myself up for so long
and wondering how life could go from
white to black
morning to night
life to death

yet i am drifting around this ocean
thinking of words
losing words
unable to speak
yet chattering like a jaybird
i think
then i forget
i sweat
then i shiver.

i don’t care to be recognized
i don’t care to be seen
right now
i just care
to be.

it’s okay that it’s not clear
tomorrow tastes like the sunrise.

read to me.
let me sleep against you.
tuck my hair behind my ear
remind me
i am still

where i wander at times

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