Eve of the Eve

well i can’t say things went any less than surprisingly good today…after opening the mail last night and finding a framed picture of myself surrounded by two awesome girlfriends taken a year or so ago (see first photo below), i woke up this morning, packed up my chocolates, sent them all over this great country of ours to some well deserving friends, and watched the sun come out from behind the clouds as i went on my walk to the mississippi district of north portland.  perused the scrap wood at the rebuilding center as i brainstormed tomato cages, read a magazine as i enjoyed a sweet potato black bean burrito and apple-ginger juice from laughing planet, and wandered lazily down the avenue with a scoop of chocolate malt ice cream from ruby jewel’s new scoop shop…eventually landing at porch light, where i picked myself up a birthday present. nothing exotic to most folks, but i’d been looking for an antique sifter that wasn’t riddled with rust or covered in ancient flour scrapings preventing a good sift.  silly to some but $10 well spent – the same price as i could buy a new one, yet with more personality and didn’t require any energy or new materials to create. (see second photo below).  and after an afternoon involving a stop at the library, light yardwork, and catching up with neighbors on a gorgeous 53 degree sunny afternoon, my afternoon ended up with a visit from the lovely friend mindful mixture as she stopped by to hang out with her hubby as they drove through portland on the way back home to seattle from the coast.  what a wonderful thing to meet her in person!  and this girl pays attention.  remember my posts on boots?  or the one on ‘fuck’ being my favorite curse word?  (see third photo below for the birthday surprise she brought me)  i am hoping this year allows for a tax refund again so that i can invest in a better commuter bike, which just begs for the sticker to christen it…

so here i am, watching cast away so i can remember the wings that kept him going when he felt so alone on that island.  there are some lovely people in my life who remind me that my wings are still attached, even when i don’t always feel them.  things are a little up and down right now, and on the eve of the eve of my 37, i still have melancholy even with the good things around me.  i still hold my heart very close to me, protective, unable to fully let things in quite yet, still a little stunned.  it is winter, it is winter, it is winter.  there may be sunshine but i still feel the cold.

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  One thought on “Eve of the Eve

  1. January 23, 2011 at 12:20 am

    How fun to meet a fellow blogger in person and especially one that remembers what you write about. That is important. You're getting through. The sifter: I have one almost just like that except that it's creamy enamel color with cherries on it. It was my Grandma's so I really cherish it. And…how special to have a photo with your good friends. It really makes me wish that my friend for over 40 years hadn't dropped our friendship over something that could have been worked out had she wanted to communicate about it. Her loss I think. She still “spies” on me by reading my blog. I say: if you don't want me in your life, why do you want to know what I'm doing or saying? And your new “signs” fit exactly how I feel about her right now.

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  2. January 23, 2011 at 9:24 am

    It's definitely hard for some when we get personal on our blogs – they see ALL of you, not just your 'in-person' self. I only have a few friends who read my blog and as far as i know, no family members, not that it would matter but it does take a leap of faith when writing to completely shed your skin, and know that with it, there might be some who can't handle it. Like anything big, you really find out who your friends are, ya know? Then of course with that you really KNOW who's got your back.

    Gifts are always more treasured I think when someone actually pays attention, rather than putting their judgment on it. I always remember the gifts where someone would see something I pointed out and then go back to get it later, or make something just for me. It's really really touching for me this year to see who's come out on their own for my birthday, without my organizing anything. Some folks aren't much on birthdays but for me it's the only day of the year I feel I can say “yay me!” and not feel too badly – a confidence issue, I know, but it is what it is. I got no valentine, I got no kids, I don't do Xmas, and my Thanksgiving memory was with a man I thought felt for me but didn't. So with this birthday I want to make this last 🙂

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