hush

hush now, my girl, because you don’t know where tomorrow will lead you. you have not one clue as to what things will look like in a week or a month or a year. hush now, my girl.  you are in a quiet quiet world right now and all you can do is face each day one at a time and hope for the best.  the thought of the holidays break my heart into a million pieces.

it is my third year alone on the holidays.  i have never known how to face them head on or even sideways for that matter.  i want my heart to feel safe and comforted but instead on christmas it feels like it’s been sliced and pinned to a wall.  i have no traditions  – they left me years ago.

am i naive, am i lost, am i forgotten?

i don’t have an identity.

hush now, my girl, it will soon be over.
hush.

I run my fingers through my hair,
try to focus on something but all I do is stare.


Maybe its not in me,
maybe its all in you.

what’s a face without a smile supposed to do

I’m trying to be a better soul who’ll be there to catch your fall.

I want to be the words on your tongue.

~ excerpts from a favorite blog

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  One thought on “hush

  1. December 15, 2010 at 1:09 am

    I am so sad to read that this will be your third Christmas alone 😦

    If you lived near me, Honestly – I would have been happy to have had you over for as long as you wanted to stay. Its just D and me, we don't do much, so it would have been board games, a little Tv and lots of eating – you would have been most welcome.

    This year though, we are not celebrating Christmas, my father in law passed away two months ago…

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  2. December 15, 2010 at 7:08 am

    Ah now I understand
    I am feeling sadness around the holidays too. I am still sending you wishes of your soul mate.

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  3. December 15, 2010 at 8:47 am

    mango – that is very sweet. i get asked to be the extra guest but it makes me sadder as i'd rather be in my own little unit, you know? i'm not stuck to traditions, just hate how society has such a pull on what we should or shouldn't be doing. i'm not putting up any decorations (i actually do love decorating a tree) as i get very melancholy. it's just a time of year to get through, i suppose.

    kristen – i'm not a believer in a 'soul mate'. i think we have many 'soul mates', from lovers to friends to dogs, people who just innately get us and love us unconditionally, some who last and some who do not. i have a very close friend who means a lot to me where the road is open to where we want to take it, and that is where i leave the slate blank to be drawn upon.

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  4. December 15, 2010 at 8:58 am

    I'll also be alone. And that's after turning down invites from people at work because being the guest is worst than just being alone.

    I'll say a good toast and cheer other singletons on that day.

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