Peas n Carrots

Tonight it is blustery and while I try to breathe normally, my heart occasionally does this flickering in my chest.  That’s the only way I can explain it – like the breeze through a candle’s flame, sometimes my heart beats a little funny and all I can do is inhale and exhale and inhale again.

I’ll wrap my arms around you my darlin’,
when you’re looking for someone to lean upon,
I’ll give you my heart when you think that all hope is gone.
I’ll kiss you and I’ll mean it,
take you deep within my hands.
The best laid ideas to roll with the best laid plans.

I am re-reading words from a writer I originally encountered in this little universe about seven months ago. It was around the time I was starting to see beyond the fog in my own life.  Deep into words, thoughts small and large, I have found that something in me has awoken.  I’ve been encouraged by this unique little community of writers to tell my stories, be true to my heart, follow my bliss.  Good and bad and neutral, it is a lovely thing to feel listened to…even when sometimes they are just images I share.  There have been some who have turned into friends, and for that I am full of smiles, and if I ever see them in person, big warm hugs and laughs over cocktails and conversation.

I write when my soul scales and plants a flag on top of the highest mountain and equally, I write when my soul falls over and rolls back down that mountain to crash confused, drunk and broken……..straight into a fucking tree.  
My evening has stolen the sleep away and I have few words at my fingertips but I still let the remnants of the day spill out.  I try to breathe again but life is getting in the way.  They called again.  Come and open your palms to us.  Shoulda never brought up the question.  When you ask what you don’t want the answer to, there’s really no resolution. Que sera, sera.

Then, as quickly as it came on, I am breathing again. Late night commercials causing the long awaited dimming of the light in my eyes so I can disappear into the goose down and emerge tomorrow, alighting on the two wheels in the chill of the everyday morning, hoping each day goes a little bit faster to get me on my way.  The world feels particularly transparent and I am again the quiet observer.
Shoulder length shiny, reddish hair, brown, soft eyes with that certain sparkle, a face that radiates sweetness and light…I don’t think that this is love at first sight, as that wonderful emotion has been kicked out of me over the years. I wouldn’t mind getting it back though. It just seems to be frozen and I’m far from thawing out right now…But I digress, just look at her!  Stunning, amazing, fantastic and sensual. To my nose at least, this unknown woman smells of honesty and integrity. I can almost taste the stench of her self-respect and warmth, even over the smell of bagged, barbecued chicken which wafts from a counter nearby.  This beautiful face is the bargain of the day…Shes the perfect ingredient for the perfect birthday dinner with the perfect smile as a lovely, fattening desert! 

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