ah the horror!
came home last night to a number of decapitated sunflowers…with my wall of sunflowers in full bloom, the next step in the season of course is for them to turn into seeds so i can enjoy them right?
“been livin’ most their lives livin’ in the rodents’ paradise…”
can you hear the coolio baby?
nine foot sunflowers are intoxicatingly good, they say. came home to a squirrel feasting on one, shells everywhere. sloppy bastard. but cute as hell. then my neighbor mentioned that he saw a rat the previous evening.
now i get it. the rats with the fluffy tails are the sweet ones, the ones without the fluffy tail are the murderers. decapitators. long stalks laying on the ground, and i imagine a squirrel climbing up to the top to weigh it down and several on the ground yelling ‘tim-berrrrrrrr!’ munch, spit out the shell, munch, spit out the shell.
then – much like gargamel and azrael i imagine (please tell me y’all get that reference), the rats come in like gangstas, shoving sweet herbivorous squirrels out of the way. gnawing huge bites out of the sunflower heads, imbibing on the sweetness like whiskey during prohibition. laying there, drunk and belching until the mistress – that be me – rides up on her two wheels.
and they scatter. like the cowards they are. and leave me to clean up the bodies.
somewhere in the distance i hear snickering and the sounds of ‘slide, slide, slippity slide…’