There’s no easy way to distract oneself, is there? To stop the comparison from rolling through your present and remind you of the best. My mind is relaxed when others race. I’m at a window seat receiving my day. His was so separate from reality, almost sociological in how I study it all. Burn marks, cutting, denial of pleasure yet aware of every sensation at every moment. Lack of willingness to understand yet so many stories to tell. My life I suppose is easier in ways. We all have our own complexities, yet when the sun shines I choose to plant sunflowers. It’s my lemonade of sorts. When you spend an evening and they don’t communicate compliments or desires or connections, you feel like the intense. Is anyone not broken? I stood in the shower and thought about all of this.