If God dropped acid, would he see people?

classic moment:  quoting him on facebook and having someone think you are serious

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

I have an existential map. It has ‘You are here’ written all over it.

I saw a bank that said “24 Hour Banking,” but I don’t have that much time.

I installed a skylight in my apartment… the people who live above me are furious!

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.  

Babies don’t need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach… it pisses me off! I’ll go over to a little baby and say ‘What are you doing here? You haven’t worked a day in your life!’

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn’t park anywhere near the place.

I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast at any time”. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
  
On the other hand, you have different fingers.

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.  

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