and i digress…

i was baking…

then what do i do? turn on the stupid tv and see their story glamorizing child pageants, this time ‘little miss UK’.  completely nauseating and should be illegal.  parents who put their children in pageants then try to put the blame on their kids (‘oh she wants to do this, “her talent is being beautiful”, they say) instead of taking accountability for being purely horrible parents.  it constantly blows me away how this is not only allowed but given positive media attention, taking the innocence and wholesomeness about childhood and impressing them at a young age that you are nothing if not wearing makeup, hairspray, and considered socially acceptable and ‘cute’.  it’s funny – if you saw hundreds of little boys being paraded around, people would say ‘oh, that’s humiliating to them’.  so why do we treat our girls with so much less respect?

yes, my tangent has begun…

i watched a news special called ‘what would you do’ where they play-act in the streets to see what people would do. one was college hazing.  first they showed boys doing it to each other, apparently wasted, being violently mistreated and forced to consume what appeared to be large quantities of alcohol.  then they did the same thing with girls.  so what happened with the boys?  people came forward, protesting what was going on, calling the cops, and confronting the boys – taking real action.  and the girls?  people stopped and watched.  took pictures, even cell phone video.  helped the hazers force down the ‘alcohol’ and mock the girls. this was men AND women. it was hours before someone came up and confronted the abusers and you know who it was?  a high school girl.  adults – even MOMS – were silent or even participatory in the abuse.   

how do we get people to respect our girls?  it’s simple.  

love them.  educate them.  defend them.  do NOT tolerate any form of abuse of women, from bullying to rape (by ANYONE, not just strangers) to domestic violence. support ‘women’s’ causes – they are HUMAN causes.  every human should be a feminist.

you love her?  tell her you love her for her BRAINS.  and tell her she’s beautiful at random moments.  pay attention to what makes her eyes light up.  listen.  even when you are tired.  ask her for what you need.  kiss her, hold her hand, write her love letters, surprise her, slow dance with her even if you feel awkward.  don’t compare her to your mother, and don’t ever make her feel she has to compete for your love.

fathers, you are her first love, so don’t fuck it up by disappearing – be the man you want her to fall in love with someday.  protect your sons and daughters equally.  teach her the same things you would teach your son.  embrace her.  even if you don’t understand her, talk to her.  do NOT let her go and do NOT give up on her.

mothers, you are not there to be the best friend, you are there to be a PARENT first and foremost.  do not to push her into fulfilling your lost dreams.  teach her how to be both emotionally and physically healthy.  don’t push your self-image issues on her – help her to be kind, generous, and loving.  encourage her to use her brains and to be an independent thinker. don’t tell her you are ‘naked’ without your makeup.  don’t insult other women – promote sisterhood.

friends, let’s not be afraid as women to have intellectual conversations.  go beyond hair and makeup and the last boy.  do not be afraid to challenge your friends, to tell them when you’re worried about them or when you think they’re doing something stupid (it’s all in the approach…).  let go of passive aggressive.  remind her how wonderful you think she is and how much you value her friendship.

and YOU, my dear girls…don’t ever let someone tell you that you can’t be who you want to be, do what inspires you, follow your dreams.  take whatever class you want.  ask questions.  have an opinion AND express it.  you do NOT have to be cooperative every single minute of the day.  use your strengths.  spend your money on following your dreams, not trends or makeup.  know that you are gorgeous in your own skin and that you don’t need ‘stuff’ to make you attractive. treasure your heart, your soul, your evolution as a woman.  and remember, whether it be that financial decision or the job or the social situation or the boy?  follow. your. instincts.

from “what i wish i knew when i was younger”, advice for younger women…

1. You are at least ten times prettier than you think you are. That holds true no matter how pretty you already think you are! Don’t believe me? Ask your mother/auntie/grannie if she thought she was pretty when she was twenty. She’ll say, “no.” Then find a photo of her at that age. See what I mean?

2. The only thing you should be faking is confidence. If you don’t have it yet, pretend you do. In every new situation, pretend you’re not nervous, pretend you’re not afraid. After a few times doing this, the pretend part disappears.

3. Want to try something new, like painting, skiing, running your own business? Go to the library and borrow ten different books on the subject. Skim through them all, find the ones that have the most vital information and study them. Then see number 2.

4. No matter how old you get, remember what it was like to be a nine-year old girl. Remember the feeling of freedom. If you’ve already forgotten, do a cartwheel. You can so still do one. Savour that feeling. Wake up with it every day. You’ll stay young until the day you die.

5. In the same vein, cut or potted flowers are never a waste of money. Because every time we glance at them, they remind us how much beauty there can be in the world.

6. Speaking of money, starting right this moment, whether you’re twenty or sixty, you can change your finances around. Don’t leave someone else completely in charge, whether it’s your husband, partner, parents or banker. Become financially saavy.  Financial independence gives you the freedom to walk away from many bad situations. How do you know you’re in bad situation? See number seven.

7. If your stomach hurts and you haven’t got a virus, you’re in a bad situation. Before you know what it is, your stomach always does. Give yourself some time to ponder what it might be that’s making your stomach hurt. Chances are you already do know, you just don’t want to believe it, for some reason.

8. When meeting someone new and he or she seems to be behaving like a jerk, show compassion first. If after you display your sincere compassion, they are still acting like a jerk, walk away. If they follow you, call the police.

9. Wear sunscreen on your face, neck and hands every day, winter and summer. I don’t care how dark your skin naturally is. Wear it. You’ll remember me when you look in the mirror at age fifty. Always keep in mind that Your body is directly connected to your spirit. Look after your body. Put nothing in your body that can permanently harm your spirit, including the wrong man.

10. And if you are in bed with a man and he’s the right man – meaning your stomach doesn’t hurt, he’s smiling at you, he knows your name, he’s not drunk and neither are you – for goddsakes – enjoy yourself. He is not at all thinking about how fat your thighs look.

9 thoughts on “and i digress…

  1. yeah.. its sickening how kids are forced to grow up so fast.

    I remember how simple my life was when i was little. i played in the mud, climbed trees, chased animals and read books until i fell asleep.

    i do think however, that our instincts can be hazy sometimes, when our wants outweigh our needs.

    But i think every woman needs a husband to protect her and lead her. Independence is good, but after a certain level, it breeds selfishness, a desire of controlling everything in one's world and being stuck in a bubble that no one can burst.

    I just want to relax and not take up the responsibility of both a man and a woman… Feminism is good to a certain extent…after that… i need a man to take care of me 🙂 Feels good to rest in the arms of a strong man.


  2. Feminism: “The doctrine — and the political movement based on it — that women should have the same economic, social, and political rights as men.” Agree to a point? Women be led by men? Seriously?

    Your words concern me greatly and are exactly what i was writing about what i am so concerned about happening in girls. just because you want to feel safe with your partner doesn't mean you have to be subservient to him or 'led' by him. a man is not wiser, a man is not your leader. it is not a partnership – if the man leads the woman that is essentially degrading to the woman and to me, tantamount to slavery.

    too many women put themselves in a position of less importance than a man, and this is why society treats women as second class citizens – because so many women accept it and are afraid if they assert their equal footing that they will be looked down upon. there is a lot of self-hate out there (sarah palin embodied that when she gained popularity for her lack of intelligence and looks and mocking disdain for strong, intelligent women – she is the most poisonous individual out there for women next to the celebrity like paris hilton), and this lack of regard for women and treatment of ourselves as second class citizens is why there is so much violence against women – if you don't think you're at the same level as a man, why would society put any priority towards treating women with dignity and respect if she can't do it for herself.

    Women fought for us in the past century to be put on equal ground and it is hugely upsetting for me to see women going back to viewing themselves as inferior to men and downplaying feminism, which i've found is usually because women feel if they stand up and say they are a feminist, that some men won't find them attractive. it's like when i see african-americans referring to themselves by the 'n' word, not empowering but rather taking the civil rights movements steps back. (yet there are many who say racism is no longer an issue).

    any man who thinks women aren't on the same level as men is one sick puppy with tremendous issues against women. our girls are growing up once again in a 1950's mentality where its about catching a man rather than developing one's SELF.

    ” A feminist is anyone who recognizes the equality and full humanity of women and men.”
    — Gloria Steinem



  3. To me, sometimes feminism feels like (or maybe has been turned into) an extremist POV. I feel like I am a very strong woman…and while I don't “need a man”…I still really enjoy having a partner in life – yes, he's a man and yes at times I “ask permission” to do the things I do…BUT that is in the same way that he asks me for permission to do his stuff…meaning that we love and respect each other and asking permission is more just a checking in to make sure that everyone agrees with what is going on and the choices being made. I don't lead him (which I feel is the direction that feminism is going) and he certainly doesn't lead me…we walk hand and hand and face this world together head on.
    BTW – have an AWESOME WEEKEND!!!! Keep selling lots of your goodies!!!


  4. I think checking in with your partner and coming to mutual agreement is different than technically asking permission (I think your intent is the former – if he said 'I forbid you' I can imagine your facial expression, haha).

    The problem I see, that happens with many other concept, is that the definition of feminism is a simple one, as I defined from the dictionary in my last comment, yet people toss in other beliefs along with that and assume that is also the definition. It very much reminds me of the word 'environmentalist' – how such a beautiful thing as believing men and women should have equal rights is seen as something negative is so similar to me as how people use 'environmentalist' as an insult. Neither term is an insult to me but many use it in a negative way.


  5. i understand 🙂 and i do think women are equal to men, but i feel that in todays world women try too hard to prove that they are equal. Men have treated women badly but a lot have treated them well and with love.

    I think men should be cherished and valued and sometimes feminisim has been really extremist. To the point where they emasculate and try to control men way too much.

    i was brought up in a very loving family where my mom respected my dad and my dad loved my mom. There were hardly any fights because they didnt try to prove themselves to each other.

    i think that if a person sees tremendous value in another person, be it man or woman, then no one needs to try to get equal rights.

    i hope you are mad at me.. I noticed you quit visiting my blog. Hope youre ok my blogger buddy 🙂


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