can you guess how old i am in this picture?
where is your head, i asked myself? you don’t always have to keep moving, remember. sometimes you can sit there, wrap your arms around your knees, and look up at the stars. you can forget where you are going and where you are and sing out loud. you remember that at one time you were just a young girl, exploring…and then you realize you are still ever evolving…
this morning was like that. in preparation for the week ahead and the massive amounts of work that lay ahead. it is quite an honor to be entrusted to yet i’m adding the pressure to make something beautiful out of it, make all of these new clients happy and, like with my existing groups, help them see there is so much more they can expect and so much more integrated they can be in how they build their teams and create relationships, not just careers.
but i know this is not what i’m meant for. i would rather use what i have to feed people chocolates, portray their souls in black and white, put the pen to the page on a cold winters day looking out a foggy window, and give to those who need me more than a random office of government. my life is about gardens and oceans and creating sanctuary wherever i am. i will float on the breeze and land softly. i will laugh too loud and drink too much and go running in the water and splash around one moment, then collapse into a nap with you at the end of it all and be serene. those i give my time to in turn are those i find my inspiration from…they aren’t afraid to hold me accountable yet do so gently. i have an implicit trust with these friends and no matter where i go, i carry them in my heart.
in the mornings i forget something at least two to three times after i leave the house and hop on my bike. have i…left the keys in the lock? check. packed my work clothes then realized i forgot pants? check. made a lunch then left it by the front door? check. forgot that it was saturday? check.
this morning i forgot my truffles – one box destined for small town in the southeast of somewhere lovely, and samplers for two friends at work. usually i would ride in anyhow, deal with it the next day. but the air was intoxicatingly cool for a summer morning and my legs felt strong and halfway down the block i found my bike spinning around and wandering almost lazily back home. gathering these bundles up, i headed up the street again, music in my ears and hearing my voice enjoying the moment. so i didn’t head right to work. i made an excuse and kept the pace slow. i sat down to a cappuccino and opened up the local publication and got a little piece of quiet before returning to the reality of the day. and it settled me.
and then today i practiced asking for what i want. something that i have improved upon in other areas, at work it feels like a risk…never say anything, don’t stick your neck out beyond the occasional happy hour or extra loud laugh. i have a unique boss, however, and felt empowered enough to say hey, this is how i feel when you say that, and i hope that’s not your intention. and it wasn’t, and he clarified, and i left feeling at ease, no matter what the decision becomes. i felt respected and valued. i suppose that’s all we really are seeking right?
so now i find it dark and late and the insomnia floating away. my hunger pangs are there but i open the fridge to find mayonnaise and serrano pepper jelly and corn tortillas and blueberries. hmm. so i wander out into the garden and coax more lettuce into a bowl. stirring together a vinaigrette, i added some berries and sunflower seeds and poured a lemonade and end my day, as usual, writing. my dog is pacing – she has rediscovered an old piece of rawhide that she ‘hid’ behind the couch and now walks around, it hanging out one end of her mouth yet never stopping to sit down and just gnaw on it for a bit. she’s my comic relief.
it’s just another day, but tomorrow is tuesday and therefore my friday. i am taking wednesday off to go blueberry picking in the sunshine with a friend on sauvie island…talk about a perfect midweek escape…berries, sunshine, water…i’m loving this summer so far, roses are in bloom, and something is inside that i can’t quite explain (nor do i want to).
please tell me all about what is beautiful to you today…i want to hear…
dusted in cinnamon