and it’s monday

remembering a piece of my past life (santa barbara)

sweet is the feeling on my skin … i’m a little bit o’ nothing, he said. his eyes told me there was a little bit o’ everything. but i took the reality, and skipped off. there’s no way to reason the feelings that course through my veins, so i take off my shoes, slowly, and then everything else as i let it all go down to, yes, just another day with an unknown resolution.

it was so easy with you. i close my eyes and i am sitting on the floor in the corner cushions, and we are eating with our hands. you don’t quite know what to do with a girl like me, but you roll with it, and that smile left me confident. you never knew me when i was thin like a reed, and when your hand rested on my waist, it was easy, i felt lovely just as i was in that moment. you were someone whose presence made me shiny.

before you i took what i could get. but life is not black and white, and that complexity of loving your best friend, that person who needed you, that man who had seen you grow from a bony teenager to a curvaceous woman to someone who slowly began to see more in herself, opening the door to a new chapter. i go through spells with that memory. there are still moments where i sigh that little sigh, and when i watched ‘crazy heart’ the other day i had that stab in the gut feeling remembering how his bottle disintegrated us.

occasionally i find the urge to do that quiet reflection. it makes me happy for who i am now and what i understand about myself. there were those great loves that took your breath away and those certain moments with others who reminded you of all that is phenomenal about yourself. i am not a woman of few experiences, and am grateful for that. i take small pieces of each of you and in that patchwork the face may someday emerge.

thank you.

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