afloat

Surely whoever speaks to me in the right voice
Him or her I shall follow
As the water follows the moon, silently
~ Madonna ‘Sanctuary’

this is my life in chocolate. i will show you all of my sweetness and i will overwhelm you with my richness and depth. if you understand me well you will know that you must have more than just a taste to truly comprehend who i am. you must see that if you close your eyes, you will notice the complexities, the innate sense of a girl who, as a woman, will be your temptation, will be your happy ending, will be that one you can savor after a long day.

my mind has been floating this sunday. feeling the heart just under my skin, wrapped up onto the freckles of my sleeve and deliberately exposed, i see all too clearly. that morning i knew something was off. there was an outline of a man with gaping holes throughout his facade where i could see into the other room. but i know i have no superpowers, and all i could do is kiss him goodbye. i seem to be good at opening the cover but powerless to turn the page. i don’t write the book anymore. all i can do is provide sanctuary, provide truth, provide something that you won’t find anywhere else. i will not categorize you, i will question you, i will not judge you, i will try to understand you, but when i don’t, i will still love you wholly, without reserve.

i’ve been in a barefoot place today, hearing song lyrics, curving through streets, drifting in and out of reality. my world today was in applewood smoked salt, serrano pepper jelly, ginger cello. i have gotten used to the burns on my hands and am experimenting with the other sensations and methods. i feel like she said ‘ sometimes life is to hard to be alone, sometimes life is too good to be alone ‘. whenever i see, i feel, and whenever i breathe, i melt into the air. where does that leave me…

“As Harold took a bite of Bavarian sugar cookie, he finally felt as if everything was going to be ok. Sometimes, when we lose ourselves in fear and despair, in routine and constancy, in hopelessness and tragedy, we can thank God for Bavarian sugar cookies. And, fortunately, when there aren’t any cookies, we can still find reassurance in a familiar hand on our skin, or a kind and loving gesture, or subtle encouragement, or a loving embrace, or an offer of comfort, not to mention hospital gurneys and nose plugs, an uneaten Danish, soft-spoken secrets, and Fender Stratocasters, and maybe the occasional piece of fiction. And we must remember that all these things, the nuances, the anomalies, the subtleties, which we assume only accessorize our days, are effective for a much larger and nobler cause. They are here to save our lives. I know the idea seems strange, but I also know that it just so happens to be true.”
~ from ‘Stranger Than Fiction’

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