you know how many times i wish i were saved, when i say i should save, when i am told i must save myself.
i am tired. my shoulders are aching. where’s that spark that makes me remember what it’s all about? things seem distant. i feel out of my shell, sitting quietly next to it, waiting for a reason to climb back inside. my smile wore thin tonight as my back felt the pang. there was a certain disappointment that i couldn’t place my finger on.
your sunlight is one a girl can’t comprehend. something tap dances on my subconscious, teases me, runs then reemerges then disappears again. i can’t even formulate a question. if i could i would tear you apart. if i was mighty i would make you see me. but it is okay. it is cool. i am tired of waking up in the wee hours and feeling your spirit. i was so cold last night.
today i walked the halls and i imagined your concept. i heard your voice. and i know it’s nowhere i need to be for any length of time. child of bureaucracy who knows there are ways to make people happy in my own free spirit. one boy called me a bohemian. don’t call me a bohemian. just call me by my name and grab my fingers and pull me along with you and make me see through your eyes.
mentally i am wandering, i am everywhere and alternately nowhere. it’s a conundrum. i am altogether luscious and unknown. layers and layers of me to be slowly opened. i am your gift.