one man’s version

it is a quiet that i am feeling. it is a deadening of the senses that emanates. i am going away now. don’t dare get near. i will scatter the moment you touch me, the moment you tell me you’re not going anywhere. you won’t reach me, you won’t get near me, i am protected by the iron sphere i have built around my heart. you love me? prove it. you love me that much? i will make light of it. you want to be with me? i will evade, i will respond with questions, i will talk in circles, but you. will. not. break. through. but i will think of you every morning when i wake up. alone. because even with the random set of arms and legs next to me, i will still know that i am behind my shell and that you are the one who sees into my eyes and won’t look away when i get scared. you know who you are and i am afraid you will not love me if you see who i am. i want to be a rock, an island, and feel no pain like he sang once long ago. an island never cries. but with you i have cried, i have bared my soul, i have accidentally let you see the cracks in my exterior, the imperfections. i have told you what you do for my senses, my mind, my heart, my body. i will not enjoy it for long though, because i am bandaged in fear. you love me. why would you love this? what have i done to earn your love? you love me. you, this woman who is beautiful and smart and full of chocolate and art and playful tendencies. there is no way i could make you happy. you cannot possibly love me. or can you? will i let you? i am contemplating this sudden exhalation. i am running so fast that you will only see my blur. if i stop you will see me, you will hold my hand and heart, you will see that i am not perfect. wait, you already know that? and love me anyhow? nope, no way, impossible. you will hurt me like the others did. so i will push, push, push you away. yet you sit, patiently, sweetly, with a bit of tenderness and sensitivity that i cannot comprehend. how do you think i will end up? where will our paths take us? you are a wave of everything. i am walking in the sand, flying a kite, remembering how after we bickered, you came to make up while i bathed, walking fully dressed into the shower to kiss me. kiss me before you change your mind. kiss me while you still like me, i told you. “be my impetus for change” i asked you the week we met. you gave me your heart. can i do the same?

I remember the days
of just keeping time
of hanging around in sleepy towns, forever
Back roads empty for miles
well you cant have a dream
and cut it to fit
but when I saw you, I knew
we go together, like a wink and a smile

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