soft focus

springtime in wedgewood, 1996

And honey please don’t stop
Your talking
‘Cause there’s a feeling
Won’t leave me alone

words uttered and it’s like a modern exchange of letters. they are pieces, they are ideas, they are mumblings of romance in a world far too cynical for the pen. i want to be by the fire and look and see my reflection in another pair of eyes. each day i smile a little more.

when i looked back one year ago today, i remember exactly that feeling, and the hope for a new day. i have forgiven my father. i am learning how to forgive myself. and i have released her stranglehold. i am purified and thirsty for new life. dream of the warm waters poured over my shoulders as i drift to the bottom and then emerge. anew.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

integration

home for just a few days and am quietly feeling the effects of transformation caused by a new journey. while my body moves quickly back into the mode of work, my mind continues to work at a slower pace. i did not even realize that i’d gone 10 days without television or internet. my body immediately went into upheaval when i reintroduced certain processed foods. and my self struggles to readapt to the chill of winter. my trip to barra de potosi resembled detoxification…the initial solace of solitude, the beginnings of bliss and deep exhalations, then suddenly the trembling, the sweating, the itching, the emotions of dealing with reality…and then, the storm broke and i was breathing as i should. accepting. and as i called out to no one in particular on one of the last walks along the water at dawn, forgiveness. forgiving him for the pain he caused. forgiving him for dying. forgiving myself for my imperfections. and through forgiveness, the permission to move on, not to forget but to release the chains that i’d bound myself in and enjoying the possibility of this new chapter. metamorphosis. i wrote, i ate, i slept, i laughed, i gazed, i read, i observed, i swam, i learned, i discussed, i inhaled, i listened, i touched, i drank, i played, i lived. and through this i think some of the best photos i’ve ever taken emerged as just one of the gifts from this journey. sleep is incredibly deep. dreams are amazingly vivid. my heart feels truly open. it is time to write the next chapter in my story.

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