leaving it all behind

possession (genevieve)

when you have had Such a year, you look back and think, holy shit, i’m alive. how the hell did i get to this point, and where am i headed next, because man it’s gotta be better coming up.

i reviewed my old blog on this day in 2008 and the words were ‘who knew peanut butter toast could smell so revolting’. griffin house was in town, my friend was waiting for me, and i was wrapped around the toi-toi, violently ill and not from any wild partying. as she said, getting rid of the toxins from the death and the end of a relationship. the year before? dancing the night away with friends of the ex while he was out of the country. the year before? dot’s cafe with the ex. this year? quiet. dvd. pup. rain outside. a little sad, a little mellow, a little bruised for wear, but ready to receive what the new year brings.

something about this year has brought me some really amazing friends. people who see Me. people who i feel at home with, in a way where i can bare my soul and know that i’m still okay in their eyes. people whose arms i can lean back in and laugh til i cry. people who are so intelligent, so wise, so creative and beautiful, it simply makes me stop and say thank you. no matter what other challenges are sitting in front of me today, i can simply think of these friends of mine and know that things will resolve as they need to.

below is a song a friend of mine noted on her blog months ago, and it speaks to what i feel about these women and men who i consider the true friends in this world…

Answer
Sarah McLachlan

I will be the answer
At the end of the line
I will be there for you
While you take the time
In the burning of uncertainty
I will be your solid ground
I will hold the balance
If you can’t look down

If it takes my whole life
I won’t break, I won’t bend
It will all be worth it
Worth it in the end
Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life
When the stars have all gone out
You’ll still be burning so bright

Cast me gently
Into morning
For the night has been unkind
Take me to a
Place so holy
That I can wash this from my mind
The memory of choosing not to fight

If it takes my whole life
I won’t break, I won’t bend
It will all be worth it
Worth it in the end
‘Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life
When the stars have all burned out
You’ll still be burning so bright

Cast me gently
Into morning
For the night has been unkind

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